Coincidently, I am listening to Mariah Carey's We Belong Together.. *smilez*

Like wat I have assured to my readers.. there will be a continuation for my entry dated 27th August 2006 - plz read at da 3rd last para.

Here is da substantial conversation between me and B which I left out for da entry dated August 15.. Tis piece of conversation was b4 da heated argument and it was also b4 National Day eve.. Let's say it is aft da 29 July outing..

B: May I knw, wat do u think of me?
Me: (was taken aback) huh?
B: Err, ya..wat do u think of me?
Me: Ok lor.. U r fun, entertaining, concern, caring, err..loving, kind and have good personality..

Den, I looked at him.. Without asking him of da same ...
B: Ic.. Now let me tell u wat i think of u ..
Me: ok (eager to find out, wat exactly he thinks of me.. was it gonna be sumthing good or bad)
B: Pretty smile, sweet voice, good personality, loving, kind, humble, caring, hardworking, responsible, generous and never like to give up halfway when do things..Me: B, before u continue. I wld like to clarify things with u. (B was looking at me in surprised)
Me: Did u notice da expression on J's face whenever u tend to be very close to me?
B: no
Me: No? Den did u observe how she react when u told PW u want to get to knw me? Like was she acting strangely or kept bugging u with questions like why or how?

B: no leh..
Me: U really didnt even notice or observe anything strange abt her at all?!
B: (shake head in bewilderment)
Me: (shake head in despair)

B: Wat makes u say tat?
Me: J is indeed friendly with me. We joke, we chat and we share a little personal things between us.
Me: There was once in MSN she asked me tis question "Do u have any feel towards B? Coz i find u and him very close with each other. Sorry if tis question is too sensitive for u to ans."

Me: And I replied to her, "No. Its ok. Tis is not a sensitive question. I have no feelings towards B. Maybe we r close due to da topics we always chat abt."
(When I said tis to B, he was appalled to hear my ans. Maybe he didnt expect me to ans J tat way. I assumed he muz be feeling kinda bitter with me telling J tat I have no feeling towards B. I noticed da expression on his face)

Me: Da moment when J asked me tat, I knw sumthing is not rite. J maybe hiding sumthing frm da both of us. As a lady, I sense J might have a liking towards u. If she didnt, she cldnt possibly ask me tat. PW didnt ask me tat. Some other colleagues who knw we r now very close didnt even ask me tat. But y only her?

Me: So wat do u think? Y r u keeping urself silence? Do u have anything else to say?
B: I am thinking of da ans u gave to J.
B: Is it really true u have no feelings towards me?

(I didnt dare to look at him. I was analyzing very hard on how to ans him as not to hurt his feelings)

Me: I suggest u discuss with J in private. Inquire more with her. If she really does like u, she will admit to it. I knw tat ladies tend to be kinda shy to admit but they will only if da guy they like hinted at them.

Me: If she really likes u den I recommend u to be with her instead. Try to start develop feelings for her, start to show ur care and concern for her, going out with her, knw more abt her.

B: y?
ME: Didnt u get it?

ME: Do u think da two of us can be happy if we r in a relationship? There are many consequences to ponder of.. U had told me b4; we r both working and studying at da same time so no time to date etcetra.. But did u think of one impt consequence?

B: Wat is tat?

Me: Wat race and religion r u and wat race and religion am I?

Me: Race and religion issues do not matter to us but it will to our family. There will be conflict. When there is conflict, can we be happy?

B: I dun knw

M: How cld u not knw? We have to think abt it coz it will soon going to affect us..And do u knw in order to be married to a malay/muslim community, da non-muslims have to be converted? U have to think of tat too..

B: ok so wat has tat got to do with J?

Me: I can sense tat J maybe interested in you. I made an observation on her every lunch time. She wasnt too pleased seeing u being so nice to me. I am a new colleague to u and u been so nice to me.. She has been ur colleague for a year and I guess u r not treating her da same way as u treat me? Am I rite? And whenever u cant lunch with us, I did show it to da rest how depressed I was when u werent ard for lunch. J noticed it and she was less friendly towards me tat time.

B: I treat her like a friend. I treat u more than tat.

Me: She knws u more than I do. U knw her longer than u knw me.. how cld u possibly have interest in me and not with any other gals who worked longer than me.. ?

Me: I dun think we r meant to be together. We cant be happy even if we r together. Go to sumone who really can make u and her happy.

(Finally, he understood)

B: So if we lunch and I always talk to J, u dun mind? U not sad or angry?

Me: Y shld I in da first plc?

B: Ok... I will do wat as wat u request.

And so, aft da above conversation.. B and J getting closer and closer. I felt happy for them. However B was kinda upset. I guess he really likes me but sumhow I cant accept him. So, I rather be friends with him.

Song playing at now is, "Baby, Dui Bu Qi" (Baby, I am Sorry - Coco Lee) I am listening and concentrating to da lyrics.. Quite meaningful.. It sumhow relates to 2day's entry.. *weak smilez*

And still I am going to continue with tis entry. Yup.. A piece of news.. And oh, I did mention abt it in da last paragraph of my entry dated Aug 22. So it shall be continued..

P/S: U knw, tis has happen 2me again for da 2nd time. Da 1st time, it was during my sec sch days.. during O levels.. a sec sch guy friend of mine - a malay - whom I am still kept in touch with him, kinda likes me and wants me to be his gf BUT I rejected him due to 3 reasons:

1) At tat time, he had juz broken up with his Chinese gf and if I were to accept him, most of da Jin Taians will think tat I am da cause of their break up. Pls spare me with da accusations.. I am not tat type of gal.. (I did not want to be labelled as, "third party")

2) During sec sch days, I was only concentrating on getting a guy's attention coz I like tat guy (if u cld remember, da entry way back last year in 2005? Abt I sumhow got to knw his dark disgusting secret? yes, I am referring to him >> H.B) Pls refer back to March 2005 entry dated 8 March to 22 March. Thx (I was so obsessed abt him those days!)

3) Last reason.. A best friend of mine (whom I shall not post her name here coz I have promised her NOT to tell anyone) really likes him alot. He doesnt even knw it. Other of my circle of friends and ex-gf didnt knw it. Only me and another best friend knw abt it and da 2of us had promised her to keep it a hush-hush. Tis secret shall be kept within us for LIFE . . . So tat was y I rejected him. I wanted my best friend to be with him. I knw my best friend can be happy being with him. (Whoever my best friend(S) like(s), I will give them my support and stay away frm da guy(s) they like.. )

However, da 2 of them didnt get to be together becoz she didnt express to him. I remembered she told me tat she will express her feelings to him aft da O levels - provided tat her results are very good. U have guessed it.. her results are not tat good and hence, she didnt get to express to him. Also, she feared of rejection. Watever it is, I had stick to my decision . . .

For da above entry, it has happen for da 2nd time.. It is sumhow or rather similar to my reason No. 3

Amyria pours her heart out @ 12:45 am   |

To those ardent readers of my blog, thank you for being loyal and faithful not to 'abandon' this space of mine. I appreciated it.. I shall continue writing and writing.. for u, my readers..

My entry today is "Some guys are betta off as friends". Well, I do agree. Due to some reasons..

Da following are 3 MSN chat logs. By chance, 3 of them were referring abt da above!! Yeah.. So, here goes.. Aft every chat log, I will have my own say..

1) MSN chat session with Syafiq, my Informatics friend frm Brunei..

Amy Maria: remember i asK u abt a guy(my colleague) wanting to knw me?
SyaFiQ: yea
SyaFiQ: how is it?
SyaFiQ: heheh
SyaFiQ: together dah?

Amy Maria: N0, I dun thInk we can be together
Amy Maria: Heh..Its beSt to stay friends..Pipit and pipit, enggang and enggang,rite?
SyaFiQ: oh
SyaFiQ: wat makes u say that?

Amy Maria: Becoz he's chinese.. I am Malay..
Amy Maria: And well, I juz dun wana be in a relationship yet
SyaFiQ: wah
SyaFiQ: steady!!

SyaFiQ: good point too la
SyaFiQ: just do wat u suppose to do now first!
SyaFiQ: i support u.. go go Maria!!

Amy Maria: thanks :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yup.. I prefer to be friends with B.. It is not becoz he is chinese and I am malay and tat we cant be together or sumthing... but come to think of it.. he joined Donaldson since early Dec 2004.. he cld or might have some interest in some other single chinese gals, cldnt he? So how come all of a sudden aft I joined Donaldson in middle March 2006, he moved his interest to me? Sumthing is not rite ..

For those who are regular visitors and readers of my blog.. u may have remember a lot of entries since May 2006 onwards abt a chinese colleague frm Accounts Dept wanting to knw me..

So, we hit off da friendship very well.. But to be in a relationship.. I find it too hasty.. I only knw him for less than 6 months so how cld we be possibly a hit off as a couple? Tats too weird.. So i take it slow.. Let nature takes it course.. Dun rush into things yet.. I am working and studying at da same time... He too is working and studying at da same time.. We have to think of tat..

__________________________________________________________

2) Chat with a sec sch friend/mate

Minemagic: ssumtimes, rem so many things only bring unhappiness to urself, rem those good one can liao..

Minemagic: some how..u really cannnot take joke ah...

Amy Maria: little err, u read my blog issit

Minemagic: ya ya...nothing to do...

Minemagic: heehee

Minemagic: like dat very hard to make friends...or....u lose friend very easily also..

Amy Maria: but i thInk i knW da diff betWeen j0Ke and hurtful j0Ke

Minemagic: no..in fact when i read i find it nothing...sumtime me & my friend we joke this way

Minemagic: i play game with my colleague using msn too....

Minemagic: he also like dat say me...but it is just reallly nothing...

Minemagic: winner normally joke on loser..

Minemagic: nothing wrong...u too serious....

Amy Maria: yA, I guess so...

Minemagic: anyway, quarrel make u understand each other more
Amy Maria: ya, I agree

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She was referring to one of my latest entry abt me and B, had a heated argument via MSN..

Ya.. I do agree with her pt there.. Sumtimes I am too serious.. I cant take jokes which to me, are not tat funny.. so when he joke on me for not be able to win in any games we played.. Some other pple thinks its normal.. I think it is not funny but hurting hence I got kinda pissed off..

It is true too tat friends may distant themselves frm u if u always take a joke seriously.. But no matter how far they distant themselves frm me, I believe one day they may come to look for me.. Coz some of those did juz tat..

____________________________________________________________

3) Chat with another sec sch mate / friend of mine

HasZ: so hows B? hehee

Amy Maria: Oh.. Heeeheee...He's fine....We r friends for noW.. If we r fated to be together, we will. If n0t, so wat? betul taK?

HasZ: very correct

HasZ: its not good to get hopes too high
HasZ: u know sometimes.. u like that guy and like to get his attention and all but then, when comes to relationship.. its different..

HasZ: some guys are better frens

Amy Maria: Very true

HasZ: yep...
HasZ: furthermore B is chinese rite?

HasZ: will have conflict

Amy Maria: yup

HasZ: do u think?

Amy Maria: race and religion didnt matter to us but it will to our family

HasZ: yeah i know

HasZ: thats why

HasZ: alah sometimes budak melayu pun bukan boleh pakai

Amy Maria: u mean budak lelaki melayu? Betul tu

Amy Maria: HaHa

HasZ: yeap

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wat HasZ said is true.. It will have some discord frm both sides of da family.... Also, it takes time to knw someone.. It may takes several years to knw sumone b4 realizing tat he/she cld be da one for u..

Hence, I am going to continue frm da entry dated 22nd August... Remember, abt my entry stating tat B has revealed to me tat he do like me but as a friend? If I remember correctly, da entry was dated August 15??

I forgot to include another part of our conversation (me and B) in tat entry.. Tis conversation.. I find it very substantial.. I have knw it frm da start... He cldnt possibly b interested in me.. There may be sum other gals in donaldson whom he may b interested at or who might have been interested in him..

Now I get it.. No wonder whenever we lunched together and B tends to walk closely to me, sit next to me, always talk to me.. one of them wasnt too happy.. I noticed it frm da expression frm her face.. Everytime during lunch, I made an observation.. True enuff..she wasnt tat happy when B didnt entertain her but communicate with me instead..

So, tis entry shall be continued again..

Amyria pours her heart out @ 3:49 pm   |

I am at hm now.. I hate it but I have no choice...

I had told myself tat even if I am having a headache or flu or juz a little sick, I am not going to take MC.. Although I knw we r liable for annual 12 to 14 days of MC but I juz dun like taking MC.. Becoz taking MC may mean 2 things >> Lazy to go to work or/and pple will get da impression tat I am bored with da job so trying to avoid da job by getting MC..

U knw..everywhere sure have office politics.. and watever u do, pple will definitely talk abt u.. Tats is y.. I told myself I dun wanna MC.. Let them say wat they want.. But if pple take MC, they say worse things abt u.. Tats y i dun want to take..

However, I really have no choice yestday!! Thanks to my bro!! He got it first and spread to THE WHOLE FAMILY!!! I am da latest victim.. Wat did he spread us with?

I got myself MC for half a day yestday till Fri due to SORE EYE!!! C'mon!! Its only at da left eye.. Didnt even spread to my rite eye y need to give me MC till Fri!!! Duh..

So now I am 'rotting' at hm.. Kinda bored.. lucky there are a few of my friends who can MSN while at work.. So I wont feel tat bored..

Amyria pours her heart out @ 2:12 pm   |

Click here for da Aug 20 entry.

And so, aft tat heated argument.. me and B werent on good terms for almost a week. Yup, almost a week..

Even though, we did lunch out or in together.. we didnt talk.. PW and J suspected something.. When we c each other in office, we didnt even smile, talk or look at each other. All we did was >> SMS..

Me: U didnt talk to me during lunch, have a guilty conscience?
He: No. If u want to noe wat it is like to be irritated, I had shown u..

Wat he meant was, like I'd mentioned.. we didnt talk to each other at all coz we were not in good terms.. I was depressed by his hurtful joke and he was upset with me for taking da joke too seriously..

Hence, he treated tat as being irritated and he had told me b4 tat when pple irritate him, I wont c da B I had always knwn.. I wld c da other side of B.. But I didnt knw how was his other side.. He had shown to me tat day.. Tat day was Tuesday, 15 August 2006.

Me: Oh, ic.. Ok..Thanks for showing to me..
He: U can try to explore this side of me more if u wan to..
Me: Sure, da same goes to u too..

No exchanging of smses throughout da day. . . . . At nite, I went online. He didnt.. J was online.. So I chatted with her instead. She knew abt me and B not talking to each other on Tuesday..

J: so u both not yet in good terms..
Me: I alrdy cooled off, dun knw abt him..
J: He told me u kinda petty.. He was only joking..

Me: JOKING!!! Telling me tat I have low IQ juz becoz I lose to him in any games we played is not a joke? I knw he has a very high IQ, but dun say until like tat lah >> Low IQ, it as if I am really 'retarded'!! Isnt tat insulting?!!

Me: I used to play games like bowling and pool and computer games too.. I am not going to say tat I am pretty good in it.. Juz tat at least I knw how to play da games..
J: ic

Me: Juz becoz for almost 3 years, I didnt even play any pool (no friends wanna play with me as they had their own busy schedules), and when i get to play it again aft 3 years, my standard has dropped but it doest mean tat I CANT PLAY!!!
Me: So, y muz say hurting things like - LOW I.Q?!!
J: ok

On Wednesday, we decided not to lunch in together. Fine.. I go sumwhere alone and he went sumwhere alone.. However, we still sms.. I guess we were so called in good terms only when we didnt face each other.. As it was Wed, he didnt escort me to sch.. C'mon who wld want to? We had 'irritate' each other..

Wed nite, as usual we MSN. I didnt said "Hi" to him on MSN like I always do.. I waited till he sent a "Hi" to me.. which he did.. So, we chat as per normal.. But i can sense tat he is now being very careful with wat he was typing.. Heh.. Hmm..maybe coz he was afraid to offend me?

I asked him, how was work and lunch.. He gave a mundane reply such as, "OK lor". On Wed, we didnt sms each other.. So, i asked him how he felt.. A chafe reply frm him, "Fine lor." *eyes rolling*

In da MSN, he told me tat his ACCA results will be out on Aug 21. I wished him all da best.. (Yup, it was yestday.. He failed one paper.. He needs another 6 pts to pass!!! But he is still OK with it.. I guess da other 2 papers, he passed with very high marks.. - u muz be wondering how come I can get to knw his results? Well, I asked him personally. Will tell u more..)

Thurs, both of us had cooled off coz when we met at work, we had to force ourselves to smile at each other and tat smile wasnt a deliberate smile.. It IS a sincere smile frm me to him, I wasnt sure abt him though..

However, we didnt lunch in or out together.. He had informed me tat he was busy with his work, need to finish sum datelines.. Hey, no prob.. So I lunch in alone .. at my desk.. and exchange smses as usual..

Thur nite, we MSN but not as fun as b4.. Sigh.. Not my fault.. He started it first.. He shld be more tactful.. be it verbally or orally..

Fri... we decided to lunch in together.. I smsed him, "2day I accompany J lunch in. u can join us if u want." And he did joined us.. However, he was only talking to J all along.. Since they are more conversable in mandarin, tats da language they talk to each other and since I am taking Basic Adult Conversational Mandarin, I tend to eavesdrop at their conversation coz sum of da words they speak, I kinda learnt it in my course.. Hmm.. their conversation made me suspicious..

Sat, we did talk.. and as usual joke and like I'd mentioned b4.. he tends to be more tactful with his words.

On Mon, we did chat like I'd stated above.. Abt his results and he will be registering for his new semester end of tis week and he delibarately aggravate me by saying, "Cant escort u anymore.. My course starts alrdy.." I was like, I didnt ask him to escort me every day or everytime I had classes!!! Y muz he say tat?!!

B4 I end, I did mentioned tat J and B's conversation made me suspicious, didnt I? So, tis entry shall be continued aft I have done with some investigation.. Yes, I shall be my own P.I to spy on them.. Ehehe.. Dun worry.. they wont knw... I am quite gd at tis.. *winkz*

Amyria pours her heart out @ 11:27 pm   |

listening to Never Had A Dream Come True - S Club 7

B4 I start tis entry of mine, may I ask a question frm u readers.. Do u knw ur bad pts?

Let me be frank and tell u, I have no idea wat is my bad pt.. I am aware tat each and everyone of us has our own bad pts but it depends if we realize it.. For me, I dun even realize wat bad pts I have!!! (tats becoz pple neva commented on my bad pts.. even if they did, i brushed it aside!!!) So, when pple asked me abt my bad pts, I juz dun knw how to ans.. If I am forced to, I wld juz make it up and who knws if pple thinks tat/those is/are my bad pt(s), I hit da jackpot!!

However, 'he' accused me of being a liar, dishonest, insincere and untruthful juz becoz 'he' found out tat da bad pt I told him wasnt not my sincere ans!!!

Who is tis 'he' I am referring to? Well, congratz to those who have guessed correctly, but sorry no prize haha.. Its B. yes, B.

On Sat 12 August, we logged on to MSN as usual for a chat. As we were bored, he invited me over for a game of tic tac toe. I accepted it. The stipulation of da game was, whoever lose have to give one bad pt. If lose 1 game, 1 bad pt. (B's idea)

Tic Tac Toe game, out of 4 games, we tied 3 games and guess who lose da 4th game? ME!!! Therefore, I had to give a bad pt. Gosh!! I was still for a moment and within 2 mins, I typed: Impatient.. He replied: Ok.

Another game, Reversi. Throughout da game, I was winning. But I wasnt concentrating enuff and at da last notch, I lost!! I mastered a score of 30 and B accomplished a score of 34. Oh no! Another bad pt!!!

Tis time, I was stumped and had no idea wat to think of for another bad pt. I took more than 2 mins.. B was awaiting for a response frm me.

B: Quick leh..
Me: Wait ah..
B: Y need to think so long one?
Me: Cannot ah.. Can dun give anot.. U have one alrdy.. Impatient.. U really think I am impatient ah..B: ya

(So, on tat day den I found out tat my bad pt is impatient!! I didnt even realize it!! Been spending my life on earth for more than 20 years and I didnt even realize Impatient is one of my bad pt.. Hah. )
B felt something amiss and typed out: U mean u anyhow say impatient issit?
ME: Err, yeah and I hit da jackpot!! Haha
B: so u not telling da true..u anyhow make it up... So insincere and untruthful
B: juz nice 2 bad pt..

Me: Wat u mean I not truthful and not sincere.. I really dun noe wat is my bad pt.. it is not tat i dun want to tell u my bad pt
(no reply frm him, all of a sudeen he went offline... tis argument shall be continued.. i am displeased with da criticism fact tat I am not honest, sincere and truthful by B)

On Sun 13 August, as usual we MSN. We played another MSN games. It was checkers.. I asked him if there was any stipulations.. He revert back to me, "nothing..we juz play"

So, we played da game checkers.. I admit tat I wasnt good in checkers game..hence, as expected, I lose da game..

Den..da "heated argument" (MSN style) began...

He: When can u ever beat me? Tat shows tat u have low I.Q. Simple games like tat yet can lose.. My fish has better IQ den u.. (WAT?!! He compared me with his pet fish!!!)

(Look!! It is easier for him to play coz he has a computer to himself!!! whenever he has da free time, he will play games.. but tis wasnt da case for me!! As u knw, me and my siblings shared da usage of our laptop.. I will let them use first and when it comes to my turn, I didnt even have da time to play any online games.. ASSIGNMENT more impt!!! So, how cld he say tat I have low I.Q juz becoz i lost a number of games to him!! Isnt tat insulting?!! I hate it when pple INSULT me!!!)


Me: Wat makes u think I have low I.Q?

He: Always lose to me in watever games we play.. U neva think of any strategy to play da game.

Me: Even if I play any game and I win, wat I get? So juz play lah.. Win or lose neva gain or lose anything.

(den change topic)

He: nobody in tis company can be trusted yet as wat i can see. all neva been true and sincere to me.Me: Wat do u mean?
He: J and PW also not trutful to me.. PW dun say lah.. She loves telling stories.. with loopholes.. and J, I think underestimate me.. and u...
Me: ?? ME ??
He: not true and sincere also..
Me: Excuse me? y do u say tat ?

He: K, remember u told me tat u like a guy and u wont tell da guy u like him coz too shy rite?
Me: yes
He: den how come yestday u shared to me tat u got rejected b4? didnt express how to reject?
Me: a friend of mine told him..
He: u also said u dun even want to tell ur friend. how come ur friend noe?
Me: Aiyah c my body movement, she can tell..

He: for ur info, I have very gd memory.. i remember wat pple tell me. den I ask them. I will go and analyze. I can tell tat they r lying when i ask da same question to them on different times and they answered differently all da time..

He: no one in tis company is gd to me. I can sense there r hiding certain facts abt themselves frm me whenever i ask them abt those certain things
Me: tats becoz pple dun really knw one another tat well so cant possibly tell everything abt themselves..

Me: Since u want pple to be sincere to u.. I have sumthing to tell u.. Remember we discuss abt our salary.. We both knw it is confidential..
Me: FYI, my salary IS NOT $1200. It is higher than tat. (He is earning a salary of roughly ard tat amt)

He: Oh, J also earning more than me.But she always emphasis tat I am earning more than her.
Me: Issit? She told me her salary same as me >> as in $1200
He: Last year, she told me $1,000 only

(as it was abt 2.am, we both logged out as da next day we had to work. he had informed b4 hand tat he wont be lunching with me da next day - tat was b4 da argument started - so it was o.k. i cldnt sleep. i was in deep thought abt da whole thing. i was kinda displeased with da criticism fact given by B.. b4 i cld start with my soul-searching, i fall asleep)

When I woke up on Monday morning, da 1st thing came to my mind was: da argument between me and B.. I had decided tat I wont be going out with anybody for lunch. I wanted to go elsewhere alone to sit and examine our conversation da previous night. . . . .

Aft lunch, I received his sms...

B: how come 2day u didnt lunch with J?
Me: I busy.. I told her alrdy
B: ya i noe so i lunch with her
Me: I thot u have sumthing to do?
B: she alone wat so i accompany her. u lunch in ?

(since he loves pple to be sincere to him, I honestly replied to him)
Me: Actually I didnt lunch in, I lunch out. I want to be alone. I want to do some thinking
He: thinking abt da things I said yestday?

(bingo!!! he got it right!)
Me: Yes. I am trying to analyze it but still havent came to a conclusion

(We didnt even waited for each other. Aft 5.30pm, I knocked off. In da train, I continued with my broodiness. I wished to clear da air with him. I have my reasons on why I kept certain facts abt myself frm him and/or why I didnt really tell him any truth.. Like wat he told me in MSN, 'no one in tis company can be trusted' so I had to think twice b4 telling anyone including him more abt my personal life)

I waited for him to log in to MSN. J was there too.. But I didnt really chat much with her. I was only interested to clarify things with B.. but it turns out...

(Wat a surprise, he approached me first!)
B: hi
Me: ya, hi
B: so wat u think today ?
Me: After all allegoration, my mind is still stumped, still cant came up to a closure

(den, silence.. maybe he was chatting abt sumthing else with J)

Me: had u ever been insulted b4?
B: ya
Me: When u feel insulted, how u feel? do u feel kinda of pissed off
B: ya, aiyah come straight to da pt la

Me: Ok. I am pissed off lor..
B: by me?
Me: yes
B: so i think we lunch separately..
Me: until i cool down ?
B: see how lor

(there was a another pause)
B: wat is it tat i say tat u not happy?
Me: abt last nite la..
B: ya y?
Me: juz becoz i lose quite a number of games to u, how cld u say I have low I.Q? and u compared me with a fish.. i dun think tat is a joke.
(i knw he meant it as a joke but tat was kinda hurtful..)

B: ok
Me: all u can say is ok?!!!
B: sorry lor
Me: Now u tell me, y u said i am not being truthful to u..
B: K, if I lose I wil tell u my bad pt.. I dun make it up
Me: How I knw wat is my bad pt.. Where have pple knw their bad pts?
B: wat if i say i knw my bad pt..
Me: tat is u.. not me..
B: ok
B: u can actually say no to da game..
Me: I thot I can win, how I knw I will lose to u again..

B: i tel u how much i earn.. but u lied..
Me: I thot u said to always be humble, didnt u ? so i was juz being humble la
B: humble and lie two different things leh

Me: Look here!! If I wld have to tell u how much I earned when we both juz got to knw each other... U wld think tat I am too proud or even u wld think tat I am pushing u down coz u earned lesser than me.. So tat was y..i was juz being modest and tell u a sal of a lower amt than urs..

(there was a loooonnnnggg silence.. I guess it was his turn now to do some thinking.. so I continued)
ME: U didnt knw me tat well yet. So there are some facts tat i dun wish to let it out.. And den u can tell me tat I lied... ?!!!!!

(no reply)
(since I was getting very sleepy, I need to log off but he still hadnt replied yet. So...)
Me: U have anything to say?
Me: If nothing to say den I go 1st.. bye

I den logged off... I was still very pissed.. Oh, in between da heated argument, I didn chat with J since she send me a msg.. I cant be tat nasty to ignore her, can I? She suspected sumthing not rite between me and B.. (I guess, B might have told her too in MSN) So, I shared with her.. She wasnt on anyone's side.. She juz hope da 2 of us (Me and B) will be on gd terms again..

Wanna knw wat happen to me and B for da whole week at work? Did we really didnt go for lunch? Hence, u have to stay tuned for da continuation.. I have to stop her coz tis entry is alrdy getting very long and it will be very banausic (for some who didnt knw wat is banausic - boring/dull) for reading tis so, it shall be continued..

Song listeing to now : Radja - Jujur

Amyria pours her heart out @ 11:28 pm   |

Remember my entry dated 6 August 2006, (http://puteri-maria.blogspot.com/2006/08/b-tks.html) abt a confession B revealed to me? B4, I go on any further let me tell u tat da confession made is neither a good or bad news to me.. I will tell u y aft I revealed to all of u da confession..

Me and B.. are close..yes.. Very close but my definition of close is FRIENDSHIP.. I didnt treat him like a colleague anymore.. I treat him as a friend.. Juz a friend.. not more than tat.. I was abt to ask him but b4 I cld ask, he admitted to me..

NOTE: He didnt revealed everything to me all in 1 day.. He told me bit by bit daily via sms, phone, MsN and face-to-face talk. I compiled everything into one entry..

He: I think aft i finish studies then can find gf.. I am not superman who can do many things at one go.. I need to work, go for classes, do assignments and revisions.. Where got time to date. Agree?(Since I am working and studying too, I have to agree with him so I juz nodded my head)
HE: Furthermore wat if i quarrel with my gf when exam time.. (tis is going overboard..)

Me: U havent had any gf u alrdy talk abt quarrel??!!
HE: Must think ahead wat..
ME: But if ur gf happens to be da understanding type.. Shldnt b a prob..
He: But sometimes, I dun understand women
ME: Y?
He: sometimes they can be nice to u but then in the next minute change all of a sudden
Me: r u referring to anybody?
He: ya
Me: including me, J and PW?
He: ya (I was amazed by his ans but i didnt dare ask him further as tat particular question might have something to do with his past. I barely knw him so I dun think it is very pleasant to knw or ask of his personal life. I suspect it muz be abt his past love life b4.. Didnt wana ask much. So juz forget it)

He: now lets talk abt us
Me: us?
He: ya us
Me: (feeling uneasy) Wat is it abt us?
HE: How u rate our friendship being 1 is da lowest and 10 da highest..
Me: 5
He: Ceh, 5 only and u bother me so much
ME: (shocked) i bother u? Sorry, i dun get u..
He: nvm
Me: den wat abt u? how u rate me?
He: y u like to ask back da same question I ask u?
Me: y cannot ah? (at first,there was silence, den...)
He: Out of 70 i say 50.
Me: 50 over 70?
He: ya
Me: tat means I give u low marks la like tat.. i give u 5 over 10 convert its 50 over 100.. u give me 50 over 70 convert its 71.4 over 100. so high ah..? (he didnt ans anything)

He: Do u think da 2 of us can work things out?
Me: (*eyes wide open*) no lah how can, we friends only. (abg Sofian had emphasize me many times: Play hard to get.. dun b too hopeful)
Me: Y u ask?
He: nothing
Me: ok

He: Wat u look for in a guy?

Me: responsibility, sincerity, honest, reliable, hardworking, fun, easy-going, truthful, lovable, loving, caring, concern, kind, considerate, loves to make me happy

Me: Den wat u look for in a gal?

He: 1) Neva like to spent my $$$. 2) Let me spend her $$$ and 3) give half her salary to me..

Me: (I was kinda enraged when i heard tat as an ans!!) Excuse me.. plz ans seriously.. Tis question is not a joke ok?

He: Tat is my serious ans.. (i den heard laughter on da other line)

He: no lah.. Ok u ask me again..

Me: (feeling annoyed and irritated) Wat u look for in a gal?

He: Sumone whom I feel comfortable with watever i do lor..

Me: Ok

Me: Abt ur question da other day.. Y do u ask if we cld work things out? (there was a pause.. )He: Well, I dun want u to think tat I am leading u on.. or get wrong idea.

Me: (in confusion) huh?

He: If I say i juz want to be friends with u and no intention of being more than a friend yet, anything gonna happen to u?

My god!! He made it sounds like I am desperate for his love and I will sumhow 'commit suicide' if he is not my bf?!!! C'mon la!! I am not tat type!!

Me: U think I am interested in you ah? (Allow me to repeat >> Abg Sufian has emphasized to me many times to play hard to get = jual mahal)

He: U not interested in me?

Me: no lah.. u not interested in me rite?

He: ya, no.. if not i stress..

Me: U stress? y u stress?

HE: ya lah if i interested in u means i have to make u my gf but aft u b my gf, i will stress..

Me: How come? Wat pressure will I give u?

He: u didnt give me pressure.. our situation give us pressure.. both of us working and studying wat.. da money we earn is to pay for our course and for our other expenses.. to go dating we need money..if no money..how to date..

Me: (I do have to agree with his statement) So.. ?

He: So, we r only friends la..

Me: Set.

He: U not upset ah?

Me: Y muz I b upset? U think I so eager one ah?

He: ya lar.. i thot u misunderstood da idea.. coz of wat i'd done..

Me: Wat have u done?

He: Escort u to sch, to mrt station, sms u asking where r u, reach hm alrdy so call being concern to u lah and b4 i went reservist.. i sms u chinese character msg da chinese proverb and ur chinese teacher help u translate and ur chinese teacher said da msg is abt missing sumone.. i scare u get wrong idea..yes, i will going to miss u but as a friend.

Me: I understand

He: And i dun wan u to misinterpret PW's msg to u. She told u I want to get to knw u rite? I want to get to knw u as friends..

Me: I knw.

He: But i scared u may think I am interested in you tats y I want to knw u..

Me: No la.. Want to get to knw a person has 2 meanings wat.. A gal can also get to knw another gal NOT becoz she is interested in tat gal but to extend friendship.. Ok wat..

He: (nodded and smile)

So, B and I are officially friends.. We are more than juz colleagues.. We are friends but we are not close friends as yet. It takes time to knw each other. Wat we like and dislike..

Like I'd mentioned, tis is neither good or bad news to me.. For now, I prefer to remain single. I have lots of achievement to fulfil. Having a bf will be an obstacle to me frm achieving wat I want. I wish to think abt my future and tat future is not to have a bf.. Tat future I wish to accomplish is more impt than having a bf. To be happy, one does not necessarily need to have a bf. As for me, I am only happy when I have attained wat I want for my future..

So, tat is my explanation for his above confession. I have no hard feelings abt it.. Tis is merely a friend to friend talk and not a situation whereby I was rejected. Let me repeat once again..

P/S: Congratz to JS for da birth of her baby gal.. :)

B and me are friends.. Friends who can mingle very well.

Amyria pours her heart out @ 10:57 pm   |

Yet another weekend gone so fast. I didnt even do much so time shld slow down but it went by even faster. I dun understand y weekend has to be especially short. I really hate it how weekends r over so fast. Its gone even before I realise it.

2day, went with my mum and sis to Causeway Point juz to window shop and I ended up getting myself a FREE hp!!! Yup. No joke!!! FREE Hp!! Singtel promotion.. I dun intend to extend another 21 month contract but wat da heck!!! I get da hp FREE!!! No payment or anything!!! So, juz grab it and sign for another 21 months.. I really want a Nokia Hp >> NOKIA 6280 but .. sigh.. Samsung SGH-X680 was up for grabs for FREE exclusively for Singtel customers.. so, juz take it.. I am OK with all kinds of hp brands..

I have been a Samsung user (Samsung R220 and N500 - polyphonic phone WITHOUT camera and GPRS), LG user (w/o GPRS and camera enabled type of phone), Motorola user (MOT V220 >> which camera function CANT BE usED anymore since last year!!! Given tat phone to my mum) and NOKIA user (for my NOKIA 6170) and now I am back to using Samsung.. Wld like to try Sony Ericsson, Siemens and Panasonic.. but I heard frm pple I knw.. It is very hard to navigate those 3 phones I'd mentioned.. no idea y..

Oh, my 'continuation' for http://puteri-maria.blogspot.com/2006/08/b-tks.html, I will blog abt it sumtime tis week latest next week.. Been bz with work and doing assignment these days.. Phew!!! My International Marketing Strategy Assignment is finally completed..

Amyria pours her heart out @ 11:02 pm   |

Happy 41st birthday, SINGAPORE!!!

Today is its national day and im rotting away. Was bored to bits coz I was staying at hm da whole day finishing up my International Marketing Strategy assignment which is dued NEXT WEEK!!!

Catch da parade on tv.. Pretty boring I guess.. Da best part is still da fireworks! I love fireworks! Oh yah!!! Watched Singapore Idol too!! First time eva coz I have my class every Wed evenings and tends to miss da show.. But I still vote for my favs even though I didnt watch.. Hady is sooo hhhhoooooTTT!!! sO Hot!!! woo hoo.. He and Jonathan are gonna be in da FINAL 2!!! Pls VOTE for them.. Thanks

Yestday, National day eve.. I had to work.. There wasnt any half day.. Its OK.. 'We' still go out and play pool to destress ourselves.. We >> PW, J, B and myself..

Aft work, we walked frm raffles mrt to marina square!! no joke.. We walked!!! It was kinda tiring!!

Once we reached Marina Square (oh boy!! Wat a lot of pple!!), we had dinner at Long John's Silver as da other fast food restaurants were crowded and packed.. We didnt eat at da Marina Square's food court coz we tried da food there b4 (on 29th July) not very appetizing..

Aft dinner, we headed off straight to SuperPool!!! It's pooling time!!! We played 7 games yestday..

1. Me Vs PW.. Our game lasted HALF AN HOUR!!! B and J felt very bored watching our game.. Haha.. B said, "2 of u play ah.. i think, tmr also cannot game la." I WON da game!!!
2. J Vs B.. Their game lasted only 12 mins!!! As usual, B won da game.. He is a 'professional player' at pool.. When 3 balls go in one at a time, he hitted at me, "nice shot, rite?" I juz gave him a sheepish smile.. Also, since J vs B lasted 12 mins, B sarcasticly said, "u and me only 5 mins.. ok?" My face turned RED in anger and embarassment coz he was degrading me!!
3. PW vs B. Game lasted 15 mins.. As usual B won and he was really sure he can beat me within 5 mins!! So..
4. Next game is me vs B.. Our game lasted i think 10 to 12 mins..around there and again I lose to B!!! I said to him, " U say 5 mins.. Where g0t 5 mins..10 mins lah" HE: "Still, below 12 and 15 mins so solo game.. u r overall loser.. " ME: "Wat I overall loser.. I win one game ok!! * with tongue lashing at him* "
5. Tag team!!! PW and me against B and J.. Whoever is in B's team..definitely will win.. B and J won da game..
6. J and me vs PW and B.. Like wat I'd mentioned earlier.. Hence PW and B's team won!! Aft da game.. B said, "last game u and me team up.. dun say i neva team up with u.." I gave him an irritate smile.. Remember da 29th July entry.. read tat entry to understand..
7. So as promised, me and B vs J and PW.. As we were playing.. B kept pressurizing me, "dont let me down hor.. if not ah, next time i really not going to team up with u.. team up with my grandma betta" I didnt let him down coz WE WON DA GAME!!! Hooray..

Tat was da last game and we had no more energy left so we juz headed off home.. We went separate ways aft tat.. On my way hm on da train.. B smsed me, "reach home yet?" Tat was very nice and concern of him to ask me tat..

I replied. "Juz arrived at clementi mrt.. now waiting for da bus.. wat abt u?" I was surprised tat instead of replying me back by smsing..he called me!!! He told me tat he was still on da train and shld be back around 11.15pm and asked me wat time will i be logging on to MSN later. I told him tat i wont b coz i was too jet-lagged to even think of chatting on MSN!!!

Sigh.. tmr (10 Aug) have to report to work.. Very demoralising...

Amyria pours her heart out @ 11:33 pm   |

// listening to Forever Love - Wang Lee Hom //

Tats his full name B Tan KS. *smilez*

On Mon (31st July), I saw him at work, however we didnt talk much. Maybe it was end of month and he needs to close accounts. He didnt lunch with us (me, J and PW). I was a bit upset at first but he is free to lunch with whoever he wants, I cant say No, can I?

Abt 2 hrs aft lunch, I went down to Accounts dept becoz H wanted me to go down to clarify certain things. As H was checking with Y (da manager of Accounts dept) PW, J, B and myself were chatting but not as interesting as it always be coz we were at work.

Knocking off time, we happen to meet outside da mrt station. I wasnt waiting for him. I was near to a rubbish bin throwing da used batteries away and stood there for a min to put in my new battery. I saw B. He gave a surprise look. He had sms me tat he wont be waiting for me coz he had to wait for his friend at da mrt station. So when he saw me, he was shocked. I assured him tat I wasnt waiting for him, I showed him my mp3 and da batteries. He juz smiled.

We walked together to da mrt station. I went to take da train while he waited for his friend. At nite, as usual MSN chat time.

While chatting on MSN, he keeps calling me names such as mushroom (coz of my hair) and christmas tree!!! Coz he told me tat my vital statistics looks like a christmas tree!!!

Argh!!! First time ever I heard a guy saying tat to a lady!!! Sometimes I wonder if he was hinting sumthing at me? Sometimes I wonder if all those jokes are meant for me not to think too much abt it.. Hmm

So, aft logging out frm MSN, I went to bed and brooding over it.. No, not abt da bullying..abt our close friendship.. J and B knew each other for one year (as colleagues) and they r quite close but me and B has knwn each other for only 4 months and we r alrdy considered to be very close.. Pple might have suspected.. I will try to distant myself once in a while..

So, on Tues (da next day), I called J's ext to say tat I cant lunch with them as I want to lunch in. Aft lunch, B smsed me, "HI, Christmas tree, u not happy with me issit?" I was smiling upon reading da sms. I replied to his sms, "No la. Y?"

HE: So peaceful no msg fr u. Ya so u admit u r christmas tree. ME: So i got a new name ah? den i better give u a name also la. wat name u wan?

He didnt reply for abt 2 hours.. Maybe he was bz doing some close account stuffs. Around 5.28pm, I smsed him again.

ME: I am now not happy with u alrdy.. I smsed u neva reply. I forever not going to be happy with u alrdy.

He: Ok, keep it up

WAT?!!! Argh!! On da dot, 5.30pm, I knocked off and took da lift and coincidently when da lift stops at 15th floor, he stepped in. He saw me and gave a cheeky smile!

As usual, he stood next to me. He kept smiling at me when I looked at him. I cldnt help it but smile.

While walking to da mrt, I asked him, "So, how was lunch 2day?" He answered, "Ok lor.." I nodded my head and looked at him and smiled and continued, "Very peaceful rite?" Both of us laughed..

We went our separate ways aft tat. At nite, as usual we chat at MSN with J. All 3 of us chat together in one 'conference'. In da conference, he said, "i noe y maria didnt lunch with us. Coz period.." I was dumbfounded!!! Stare in front of my screen not knwing wat to type to reply back.. Sigh..

Wed, I decided to lunch out with them. Same usual plc for lunch >> Lau Pa Sat. He had treated me to a McDonalds' meal and a pizza - which we shared, so I wld like to treat him for da drink. My sms: "do u want any drinks?" he replied: "ur treat issit? if not, i dun want to save my $$"

I had no idea wat he meant by tat but i replied, "yes. my treat. u wan or dun wan?" Juz then he appeared with his food. So does J. I asked B wat drinks does he wants.. He gave me his order. I asked J wat drink she wants. J didnt want any drink and B blurted out, "maria treat leh." Well, actually I only want to treat B coz he had treated me to da 2 things I'd mentioned above and those 2 things r $10 over.. So, I wld like to treat him back. I knw it shld b a meal and not juz a drink. It's OK, there is still some other time. I dun mind treating J a drink though.

Aft work, as it was Wed.. as usual as wat he done b4 he went for reservist for 3 weeks, escorting me to sch - but tis time, he only escort me to city hall. Hey, it was still OK - he's not my bf - juz a friend. Aft work, I waited for him. J was there too. She wanted to have dinner. So, i joined in as well. Aft dinner, J went to Raffles Plc mrt station to go hm whereas me and B walked frm S'pore river to city hall mrt. It was fun walking with him. I think he was hinting something at me again. However, I simply do not knw wat. Watever it is, i will juz be cool. Dun hope for anything. Dun act rashly. *smilez*

Thurs, all 3 of us lunch in. I find it comfortable lunching in with J as well as B. We still have abt 35 mins left so we went down juz to take a walk and window-shopping. Who wants to continue doing work when it's lunch time?!!

Fri morning at work, I came down to Accounts to meet J regarding work matters. Also to remind her tat Abg Sofian smsed me on Thurs nite asking if we r able to lunch with him tat day coz he was sumwhere ard da area tat day. He is now working at FujiXerox Pte Ltd company.. WoW.. J had confirmed with me tat she was going for lunch with me and Abg Sofian. I then asked B.. He kept quiet all da way. Oh no! Like wat Abg Sofian told me b4, B everytime very moody and when he's moody. Dun disturb him. So upon noticing B is keeping quiet, I dun wish to create a scene or humiliate myself in da accounts dept, juz left da plc.

Later at around 11plus, he smsed me: "Hi, me not joining u lunch." I didnt reply to his sms. I wasnt upset. I juz let him b left alone.. becoz of mood swings..

When meeting J for lunch, J told me tat B was on M.C.. I was astounded upon hearing tat. "But i thot I saw him tis morning?"

J: Ya, i think he wasnt feeling well so he took MC rite aft u left.

So now I knw y he was keeping quiet when I asked him. While walking towards Lau Pa Sat, I took out my hp and smsed him: Y didnt u juz tell me u're on mc? How come u suddenly sick? Too much MSN rite? :) Ok. U juz take a rest and c u at work tmr.

While having lunch, Abg Sofian(he knws wat was going between me and B - hey, I repeat B and me R juz friends!) advised me on something: "Jgn terlalu mengharapkan sangat. Mmg setiap perkenalan bermula dgn persahabatan tapi tak semestinya sesuatu persahabatan itu akan berakhir dgn percintaan."

He also told me something not rite abt B. He told me tat b4 I came to Donaldson.. He was interested in JS but tat was b4 he found out tat JS was married but b4 he found out JS was married, he didnt confess to her. Abg Sofian told me (translated to Eng) "Now when he saw u, he interested in you. Then who knws if there is a new colleague - maybe a lady - he might be interested in her too.. He is freak-minded.. He cant make up his mind. He see pretty and cute gals only he interested but he did not think of wanting them as his gf..."

Becoz of tat, he gave me an advise (I am not going to repeat-pls read da one in yellow font - which simply translated as: Dun think so much.. Dun put too much hopes. It is true tat every introduction starts with a friendship but a friendship does not necessarily ends with a relationship.)

Dun worry, Abg.. Adik will always remember ur words. Thanks for tat info. Adik promised u tat adi will take care of myself.

U noe wat. Abg Sofian's instinct is rite.. At nite during MSN, he confessed me with something. It was abt us. Wat was da confession. Well, it will be continued. :D Clue for u.. It is neither good nor bad news for me. Like I'd said, I will keep it cool. If u want to knw wat was da confession abt.. Stay tuned .. ;) Aft da confession, I will still continue my friendship with B.. It is better to keep and treasure frienship, isnt it?

Amyria pours her heart out @ 9:56 pm   |

Watched Lady In The Water 2day at Jurong East Entertainment with Hanim. We watched "Lady In The water". I thot it is a horror movie but I was wrong. It was kinda of a mystery kind of movie. Well, a movie-goer ranted at his/her blog (an overseas blog, and I cant deprive da gender of da blogger) abt da movie LADY IN THE WATER. Wat he/she thinks of da movie.

Lady In The Water >> da sort of movie tat is reasonably enjoyable to watch only until da end, when u realize u've been gypped -- there IS no twist. After an animated, narrated and truly pointless explanation of man's history with certainly mythological beings, the film gets right to its story, in which Cleveland Heep (Paul Giamatti), the stuttering superintendent at an apartment complex, finds a sea nymph, or "narf," in the swimming pool. Her name is Story (Bryce Dallas Howard). She is not allowed to tell Cleveland anything about her world or what she's doing here in ours, so he has to get clues from a tenant named Young-Soon (Cindy Cheung), whose mother used to tell her a bedtime story about narfs (narves?). This story proves to be remarkably accurate vis-à-vis Story's actual circumstances. Story's deal is that she is in our world to meet someone special, except she doesn't know who, only that he's written something. And once she's met him or her, she has to return to her own world without being attacked by the scrunt, a vicious dog-like creature that's been prowling the grass surrounding the pool whence Story came. She can do this with the aid of additional people who fill additional roles, and no, she doesn't know who they are, and no, she still can't talk about it. So it's kind of slow-going, developing-a-plan-of-action-wise.

Amyria pours her heart out @ 11:51 pm   |