Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Dear FMA,
I just wanna know. Let's say u're still not engaged and still single (like me).. Do u have any expectations in a guy? Let me be frank with u.. actually I do... I'm doing this coz of my family.. becoz it runs in the family.. so I'll have to follow suit though I dun mind..
My family are all of equal / same level.. Meaning: O level marry O level or Diploma.. Diploma marry Diploma or O level / ITE grad. ITE grad marry A / O / N Level.. Degree holder marry degree holder / Diploma grad.. and the list goes on..
I have no choice but in order not to make my family lose face.. I expect whoever guy out there who wish to befriend me and InsYaAllah be my soulmate is of the same level (Degree or Diploma) but I kept thinking this to myself: If they are of the same level as us, can they make us happy? Thats the ultimate question...
As u know.. my friend's brother has been fetching me from work almost everyday, meeting me at every lunch time and Iftar together twice.. He is younger than me and his level of education is only NTC-3 (he didnt complete his NTC-2 + he does not have any secondary school education - after 7 yrs in Primary School, he went straight to ITE). NTC stands for National Technical Certificate. I dun mind as long as he has a qualification; which means dia pun pernah ke sekolah la... However, say if I am FATED by ALLAH to have this guy as soul mate.. MY FAMILY especially my grandmother will sure has objections:
1) he's younger than me (my grandmother prefers the woman to be younger than the man... she said thats the standard.. because she finds it really weird woman older than the man..)
2) he's lower educated than me (u jolly well know why I studied for my degree. I was been pressurized by my grandmother! She didnt want me to study degree.. but she kept saying this to me: "U see (this cousin).. study only 4 yrs in secondary school, now a degree student... U take a look (at another cousin) did well in PSLE see, now Express stream.. But u?! Have to spend 5 yrs in secondary school in Normal stream!")
The way she sounds is as if she is really disappointed that I went to Normal Academic stream. She thinks Normal Academic is "no hope for future." She thinks Normal Academic + Normal Technical are the same. She also thinks that ITE means "ITS THE END." Thats why I never even want to enter ITE after my O levels though most of my relatives advised me to just go ahead after which I can be enroll to a polytechnic but I didnt want to becoz of my grandmother.. She wants pple to think highly of me.. Which clearly means, if I go ITE.. definitley not high enuff.. Fine. I'll do just that just for her.. Take private diploma.
Anyway, some of my friends told me that if a guy ask a woman out, "thats first step." Indeed it is first step coz he has been fetching me and seeing me during lunch time and etc etc.. Because of my grandmother I'm scared that I may hurt him should he sound to me that he treats me more than just a friend. I constantly been repeating my sms to him that I treat him like a friend. He never seem to give up. He treats me more like a friend. But what abt my grandmother?
The reply:
MBS, educational / age / family sake has got nothing to do with love / relationship. As long as u feel comfortable / secure with him. Hey! U are wrong to say that u do this for family sake! It's u who get married in future, not your family! Once married, u have to listen to your future husband whatever he wants from u... U cant do anything like to run all your family expenses co u are someone's wife so have to respect his decisions / wishes e.g, if he doesnt want u to do something for your family, u have to obey his orders but u still feel bad or think they are your own family. So u have to reason with him as if both of u draw a line (give / take). U still have to run your own expenses to your family.
Man's expectations for woman is intelligent, good-looking, simple, etc... depends on his liking. No matter if u have high education or older than him coz all men always come as head of the house. If your family (your grandmother to be precise) objects to your relationship with him due to educational and age problem, it shows that they are old-fashioned and hard for u to find one in future if u were to reject this guy because of your grandmother. Moreover, I can sense that the guy is sincere abt love toward u..
Also U have to think why u come from a broken family. If u dont want same history happening in your life due to your mom's broken marriage, therefore U have to do for your own happiness. If U di for your family sake, it shows U look for more problems in your life. It's your own fault, not family. They will point at U to accuse that U are a problematic woman.
Remember my fiance? U met him b4. Look at him. Why he uses crutches / walking stick though he has masters and I only a degree holder? Even he is older than me. Also we have so many ups / downs. That's why our sailing life is not smooth as long as we love each other. We learn how to take / give into each other. We've been engaged for 5 yrs!
It's still alright for u to befriend with him. If u are scared, he may do silly things towards u, U have to explain to him that U need time to stabilise yourself 1st. No need to tell him alot your family problems / your weakness points. Just let him do a search on U when both of U are friends. If he is serious abt U, U have to ask him to respect U.
Maybe U can tell your family that U bring him as a friend (maybe on raya visiting - best day) coz your family cant say anything bad abt him on Syawal month coz he's only a friend - to you. But I'm not sure whether u are a friend to him. It's pretty normal for a guy to ask U out like dating for both of U to know each other better to see what pros / cons both of U have. How to improve if U like him.
FYI, my cousin has a degree while her husband has only NITEC in Engineering yet they are loving couple with 2 kids. My adoptive mother has a Masters. My adoptive father only has O levels.. and they've been married for 35 yrs already! Though I am engaged, I have to take care of my mom-in-law 1st b4 my adoptive parents.
Luckily they are understanding through they are unhappy coz they think I may neglect them 1 day. So I have to balance my time management with them all include my friend's meeting. So U should know how to balance time with your friends, family and boyfriend (if he really is going to be your boyfriend in future) otherwise you'll regret for that.
P/S: Tomorrow is my mum's birthday + also Hari Raya so HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM and SELAMAT HARI RAYA MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN
The email:
Hello babe...
What're u doing now? Kinda busy?
Hey, can u ever tell the difference whether the guy is lying to u or serious abt u? I have been in discreet talking to him on phone (in the toilet! mind u!). Yeah I know its normal but still there is a sense of guilt in me for doing that.
From his conversations and smses, he seems to be serious in developing a relationship with me. Yes, we are friends but he has marked down a date on the calendar for us to be together. I told him I need ample time.. If I were to say he's desperate, he doesnt seem like one. If I were to say, he's sincere and serious then why the rush? He told me that he will care and be faithful to me once we're in relationship.
I know I cant trust a man's words easily but from the way he said it and thru his expression, he is serious. He has begin to perform his prayers. Yeah, he didnt perform his prayers due to work tight schedules but for my sake, he has repented and he has started to perform his prayers. Alhamdulilah. I forgot to inform him that he should be doing it for the sake of Allah and not me.
Anyway, if it is fated that I'll be with him, I feared my family has objections coz of 2 things:
1)he is younger than me and
2)he is lower educated than me.
I did told the guy this and he does not seem to give up. He gives me that hope that he will assure me that though he is lower educated, he can make me happy. I really dun know. He kept saying that he will go look for a better job with higher pay as he is earning very little salary from his current job now and he needs to save up $$. I have no idea for what purpose but in my opinion its good for him to save $$ - in case there is some need of URGENCY, we have some cash for our own. But he only mentioned to me to wait for him once he has saved up much $$. Hmm, to meminang me issit? Haha.
Before I continue, he said to me that if we happen to be in a relationship, he do not want me to informboth sides of familycoz its too early to tell. I asked him if I can let his sister know. He said NO coz his sister ,who is my good friend is his family member. I felt so guilty..
Further, I did suggest to him that if he is serious and sincere, one day he has to come my home and meet with my grandmother. Only she can have the final say (as in, if he wants to bring me out in future - i.e if I have run out of ideas to "lie" to my family into going out with him - he has to ask my grandmother's permission so that my grandmother know who is dating her precious granddaughter out.. heehe..)
He is determine to do so but not the time yet I guess. Maybe he wants to secure that better job first? *shrugs* I'm so envious of other ladies of our age. They started dating with men, they bring them home and their parents are OK. But why not me? :( Maybe my grandmother is scared I may ended up with someone like my dad (a drug addict - thats why my mum seek for a divorced) and my step dad (who has NEVER EVER TALK TO my grandmother AT ALL!) who is sort of sombong la..
He even "admit" that he is not a playboy. Is that just a trick for me to believe him or he is indeed telling me the truth? FYI, though he is younger than me, he is very mature. More mature than me... *winks*
Anyway, if u were in my shoes, how do u analyze this problem? :)
Have a great weekend!
Reply:
That's simple. You don't have to trust him. Just be who you are. Guys will tell a thousand stories just to lure girls. You are not wrong if you choose not to believe him. I wouldn't if I were you. If he's really serious in going out with you, he will not keep this relationship a discreet. And like you said, he is so "into" trying to assure you that everything will be fine between your family and his, then he should not find it a problem to meet up with your grandmum.
Let me tell you this.. He doesn't want anyone to know about what's going on between you guys till the marked up date on the calendar, hmmm.... That sounds fishy to me. He must have something up his sleeves. Just be very careful. Try testing him. Ask him to meet with your grandmum now, I really mean now, if he wants to go into relationship with you. If he says no again, forget this guy. He's not sincere. He's giving you heaps excuses in order to achieve something out of it.
Don't believe guys easily when they say that they have repented. This is not that hard babe. But I do understand you since this is your first experience, maybe. So be very careful. And like you said, if it is fated that you are meant for each other, Allah will show you the way. Just ask Allah for the best solution. He will show you the answer.
If you bound to lose this guy in a worst senario, do not grieve for it. Something good will come along your way. There's always someone good for us out there. We just have to ask god for it.
Last but not least, do not ever ever compare yourself with other people. Everything happens for a reason.I hope I've given you the answer you're looking for.
Take care darl,
Ainu
The chat:
A's sister: yo
Amyria: hello...wats up?
A's sister: watcha doing?
Amyria: chatting with u and talking to him on phone
A's sister: cool :) how is it going
Amyria: so far so good....
A's sister: great
Amyria: U know.. I felt bad doing this behind my friend's back (but he still insist not to inform her yet) Will inform her if he's "ready". I hv no idea what he meant by "ready"
A's sister: do what you think is best for you
Amyria: Alrite... but if let say my friend got to know this not from me but from someone else.. do u think she'll get angry with me?
A's sister: dont know babe
Amyria: hmm.. try put urself in her shoes... :)
A's sister: you know i'm different. i may not react like other people
Amyria: heehee.. Yeah.. U're the simply dun care type.. rite?
A's sister: seriously, i dont know, even if, i dont care much
Amyria: Thats why u're my best friend.. :)
Amyria: A question.. Are all men horny?
A's sister: everyone's horny in general... haha what a question?
Amyria: including u and me ? heehe...
A's sister: did he say something erotic?
Amyria: just a question coz I'm "growing up"
A's sister: you're not only growing but an adult
Amyria: No la.. Just a question of, "If we are already in a relationship, can I hold ur hands and kiss ur cheeks?" Not lewd to me, dont u think? But I think that question is kinda kiddish? *shock face*
A's sister: Its up to you. just be smart. You know your needs most, its entirely up to you. I can only say that we are living in the real world, not fantasy land
Amyria: Ok
A's sister: okay babe, gotta ciao now
SELAMAT HARI RAYA to my avid readers of this blog! MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN
Saturday, September 27, 2008
I was supposed to meet A for the second "meet" on Tuesday for Iftar. However, on Monday.. he gave me a call on my office phone (yes, pple.. he has my office number! Coz I was busy when he called me previously so I used the office phone to return the call and from then on, he saved that number as well..) informing me that on Monday, the supervisor asked him to leave early as there were already lots of pple covering the duties in the afternoon. (have I told u that he is working at Changi Airport - baggage loader? How come I went to the airport to leave for Chiang Mai, didnt notice him? haha)
So he was asked to leave early. His working hrs are 6.3o am to 3.00pm. Half day will be at 11.30am. He felt bored not knowing what to do after 11.30 am so guess what? He called me and asked if he can meet me during my lunch time. Hmm, I dare not say NO to him coz he's the type who tak suka cari gaduh dgn orang.. so I better not start quarelling with him. I agreed to meet him. 1245pm was my break time. He was there already (frm Changi Airport to Bugis - mrt ride of err, 30 mins?). We headed on to window shopping at Bugis Junction. One thing I got to know abt him: Both A and my best friend (his sister) loves LEVIS Jeans...
*nak seluar jeans yg mahal-mahal* He asked what abt myself. I am not that branded person. I answered him, "sembarang ah.. asalkan boleh pakai sudah.."
On Tuesday, he met me twice! According to his duty roster, he has to work on a half day (again) so he met me during break time. I did inform him he shldnt be wasting his time meeting me. He shld use that time to go look for permanent job since he really wants to secure a permanent job. Like I'd said, he is younger than me.. Mana nak dgr kata.. kan? Sighz.. On the same day, he fetched me from work and we headed of to Jurong Point by mrt - faster. We thought of having our Iftar at Banquet.. The moment we reached there, Banquet FULL HOUSE. It was already time for Iftar. So we had no choice, we went to buy a bottle of Coke (share la) from 7-Eleven and took a bus to Jurong East Entertainment for a proper meal at KFC.. :)
The next day, he wants to meet me for break time. This time, a few of my colleagues had suspect something fishy already. On Wednesday, he wants to meet me as usual but I told him I had loads of work... (which is untrue - I have promise a colleague to accompany her to window shop for shoes) I did told him that but he said, "Dia tak leh gi sendiri ke?" *Aik? Dah possesive pulak?*
So I told him, I had loads of work to clear and can meet him at 1.30 pm (my break time - 12.45pm to 1.45pm) he agreed. Ok.. Wednesday, went out to Bugis Junction with FMA for shoes and then he smsed me telling me that he has reached the bus stop in front of my office building! Not to worry, he didnt notice me coming from Bugis Junction. Aku tau lah mcm mana nak jalan. Heehe..
Thursday, the same thing. He meet me for both break time and fetched me from work. This time for Thursday, he met me only for a short while as he has a job interview at 2pm so he has to be there by 2pm.. =) After his interview, he came back to my work plc and waited for me.. On Thursday, my sister wants to Iftar with me. I told that to him and guess what? "I nak ikut boleh?"
!!!! He nak ikut!!! Inform my sister and she said OK. Dun worry, she wont mention a thing to our parents especially my grandmother.. *thumbs up* After Iftar, we took mrt to headed home. His EZ Link card ran out of $$ so he has to purchase a ticket. My sister already smelt a rat. She knws he stayed at Commonwealth coz I told her. We were having our Iftar at Raffles City Shopping centre - Burger King. From City Hall to Clementi, Commonwealth arrives first but he didnt purchase the tickets to Commonwealth.. He purchase ticket to Clementi. Which clearly explains: He nak antar I balik ah.. even though I'm with my sister.. Hmm
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Facebook has a chat application too! This chat was after the first "meet" and after I wrote something on the status.
(My best friend): OOh... Someone is happy...Where did you guys go?
Amyria: Hello babe!
(My best friend): *smiles*
Amyria: We went to Marina Square..
(Name of my best friend): What did you guys do? :)
Amyria: break fast, take photos and we took a stroll then he send me home la..
(My best friend): Hey what time is it in Singapore now? It's like half pass 2 here
Amyria: Here's 9.22 PM.. Over there is 2.00 AM or 2.00 PM?
(My best friend): It's 2.24pm
Amyria: 2.24pm over there? great... that means we can call each other around this time! Heehe
(My best friend): How does he look like?
Amyria: He looks younger than me..obviously coz he is younger than me...
(My best friend): Anyways, if you guys like each other, go for it :)
// she didnt know that it was her bro! *eyes rolling*//
Amyria: his family wont mind he going out with an older lady but my family mind if I go out with a younger guy.. sighz especially my nenek... :S
(My best friend): No worries, she'll understand soon. It takes time.
Amyria: I believe he is sincere.. I can sense that he wants to treat me more than just a friend..and if we happen to be in relationship in future, he will be faithful to me.. hmm...
(My best friend): That's good. Just be extra careful in believing guys.
Amyria: ok.. what abt u? does ur family knw u and Rafal together? Whats their reaction?
(My best friend): I don't know if they know. We are kind of taking a time off now. Anyways, my family will never mind if I go with anyone, regardless of race, nationality, skin colour, age, as long as I don't convert out of Islam.
//I did mention that she didnt perform her prayers some sort.. She did only when she was young but ever since she's grown up, she has been missing her prayers..so is the brother... but as long as they both know they are Islam, their parents wont nag at them for not performing their prayers. My family?! No way! It is a MUST to perform ur solat.. //
Amyria: I see.. hey, mind telling me how or whats ur bro like? I mean character..
(My best friend): My bro?
Amyria: yup.... just curious... heehe.. u shld know u're their sister - the eldest... :)
(My best friend): He's a quiet guy. But could be noisy when it comes to meeting his mates.
He's the best bro ever :) But he's naive sometimes :(
Amyria: ok... so do u think he will tell u if he has found someone (as in gf)? Naive? Well, norm la coz he's still young rite?
(My best friend): He has heaps of gf as in they are girls and they are his friends..
Amyria: ic...
(My best friend): I don't know why girls are crazy for him
// Like sister, like brother la.. My best friend has tons of guys going crazy over her.. Including Baikhakki (I think - during school days) but she didnt really care! //
(My best friend): But he always sticks for one girl at a time. That's the good thing about him. At least he's not like a playboy or casanova
Amyria: so he has heaps of gfs... which means he has no special gf la
(My best friend): I'm not sure babe. I didn't ask him. Why? You're interested in him?
//OH Shoot! I almost let it out.. Hey, I dun mind telling it to my best friend but already promised him not to.. Even if I do tell my best friend, its the other way round.. Its him minat me not I minat him//
Amyria: who?
(My best friend): My bro.... hmmm
Amyria: HAHA..Dun try to be funny babe.. Of coz no..just a question coz the guy I went out with is of the same age as him so who knows.. same character, perhaps..
//Phew! But still, she suspect something!//
(My best friend): Did you go out with my bro?
Amyria: No
(My best friend): haha I don't care much even if you do. I don't want to restrict much on my bro's movements
// Hmm..//
Amyria: i c...
(My best friend): Yeah.. But you take care of yourself. Especially when it comes to men
Amyria: no worries I will. Can I complain to u if this guy trying to be funny? Heehe
(My best friend): ok what did he do?
Amyria: nah.. n0t yet lah.. just in case in future...
(My best friend): ok.. no worries
//Hahaha.. Got the green light from the sister that I can go ahead and complain! *evil laugh*//
(My best friend): hey i gotta go now. keep it in your agenda that we're going for travelling together one day. Ciao :)
Amyria: bye babe
// dun worry, my best friend knws I have a blog but she never reads my blog.. Hahaha... She said to me this before, "a blog is like a diary, rite? Why must I read ur personal stuffs..." She still reads ONLY when I told her too - if thats something she HAS TO READ about la.. I will tell her the URL.. After that, she will forget my blog address... Thats why a few entries regarding her younger bro existed in THIS blog.. Wahahaha.. //
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
So I decided to meet him (lets call him, A ok - in future entries) on Wednesday for Iftar. I waited for him at Bugis Junction bus stop. He's the casual type, I can say. The moment he alighted from the bus, he saw me - in a dress (must look good / presentable in first meet ok!) - he smiled and he asked me a silly question, "Why didnt u just wear T-shirt and jeans?"
!!!! T-shirts and jeans!! I know la his working environment is not an office environment but he cant expect me to wear t-shirts and jeans on first meet?! I smiled at him and answered, "I am from work. Working in the office must wear presentably.. No t-shirts and jeans excepts Fridays but I dun wear t-shirts and jeans on Friday. I wear blouse with long skirts, long dress or baju kurung / kebaya / bandung.." He just nodded.
Then he brought me to Marina Square - by bus la. I told him, "boleh jalan per.. from bugis to marina..." He gave a sheepish smile and said to me, "penat nanti..puasa tau.." *eyes rolling* I gave him a sarcastic look and said to him, "bagus lah.. exercise.." Still, he wins! We took the bus, and in the bus, we chit chat as per normal la.. Upon arrival at Marina Square, we window shop first and guess what? He carried my handbag!
I repeat: HE CARRIED MY HANDBAG! I am ok with that coz I think its norm. But there are others who disagree. Well, its one's opinion though. FYI... I've met up with few guys too BUT he was THE FIRST to carry my handbag!
He didnt pay for me. We go dutch. I didnt expect him to pay. I know he earn less than me but I'm not paying for all the lunches / dinners / whatever.. Its either he pays or we go dutch. After Iftar, we took a stroll at Marina Square and Esplanade. He was still holding my bag. I walked so freely but abit weird coz I always used to walk with a bag. LoL. I got a shocked when he mentioned this, "I will repent." I looked at him and gave a, "huh?". "I want to repent. I will try to sembahyang. Because u sembahyang."
// OH MY GOD. Yes, I am bersyukur he wants to repent. Alhamdulilah BUT if he wants to repent, he has to do it for Allah, for himself and for his family. Not me. //
While taking a stroll, we took photos la... Its his idea. NOT mine.. Okay.. I guess, as a memoir. When its time for me to go home, he sent me home. While he was sending me home he initiated that he wants to see me again. Hmm... I dun mind but its not easy coz I have overprotective grandmother. I know I have to reasoned with her but I just cant. I HATE IT when a few of my friends (not the close ones) came up to me and said this: "I think by the time ur grandmother passed away - u're a (in the 30s) spinster", "If u are always scared of ur grandmother, u will be single forever.." etc etc..
Just please stop KUTUK my grandmother. She is doing that coz she wants me to be safe. I'm sure she also wants me to get married one day but just that she wants to control me - what can I do? Those not close friends of mine have no idea whats my family background is like.
What I can do now is to pray and seek Allah's guidance. He will lead me the way.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
This entry is a simpler edition (all in perfect English) for the entry dated 10th September. *smiles*
All along since the year 2002 / 2003.. I have a secret admirer. I just got to know this recently.
He's younger than me and he's my best friend's bro. I have know this best friend of mine since sec school and ever since the year 2002 / 2003 I kept going to her house for a visit. Furthermore, she shares the same "family issues" with me - her parents are divorced. The diff is, her family life is not as complicated as mine.
So I suspect since 2002 / 2003, the younger bro may have an interest in me. He didnt tell this to her sister. Only on 8th Sept, my best friend invited me over to her house for breaking fast. Furthermore, she will not be in Singapore after the 10th Sept (She's off to Poland for a job offer for a year.) So, she invited me over since I am unsure of when I will be free before the 10th to meet her. I agreed on that day.
The brother was there as usual. I didnt suspect anything. He was acting normal, and he addressed me as Kak Maria. As soon as I got home, I received an sms from an unknown number. I didnt reply to such smses especially from an unknown number. However, the same number kept giving me missed calls and numerous smses that I smelt something fishy and I replied. I receive a reply, "(the name of my best friend)'s brother. Dun tell her ok?"
So I just brush it off as, "Ok. What can I do for u? And (my best friend) gave u my number?" He replied that he wants to make friends with me and the house phone has a caller ID and he got my number from there. When we exchanged smses, I got the hint that he wants to be friends and later on ended up as couples.... From one of the smses, I got to know that he has been liking me since 2002 / 2003.
At first, I always "berpegang" to this principle: Its kinda weird if a guy is younger than u.. Furthermore, u know how complicated my family life is.. so I dun know if I can be ready for this.. I mean if this friendship will lead to a relationship, I am not sure if I am coz of my family issues.. Yeah.. its my grandmother... She is the one who find it not right if a guy is younger than the woman..
I have asked a few acquitances / friends and two of them advised me to give this a try.. I will never know if I never give it a try.. but how do I start off with? Yes, I know I can meet him as a start but one day my family (esp my grandmother) will find out I have been going out meeting "this" friend, I will be questioned! Yes, I know.. I can inform them abt him... There's a catch here..
As u know I've graduated.. That guy is 3 years younger than me, that makes him 22 this year. (born on 15 November). He has just started work last year and his job is not a permanent.. but on contract basis which clearly explains this: He didnt earn much. At first I had always want a guy who earn more than me.. (Remember my entry dated 17 May 2008?) But after much thought, even if the guy earns more than me, will he know how to manage his finances? I earned much more than some of my friends (will earn more after I showed the management that piece of paper - crossing fingers la) and I admit, I dun know how to manage my finances... whereas those friends of mine who earned lesser than me, can even affford to buy the latest handphone model for $500++ to $600++!
So the problem is, my family will definitely has restrictions.. U know halangan.. They are positive that the guy is only befriending me for my $$ etc etc.. FYI, the guy is only NTC-2 level. Its fine with me as long as he has any qualifications ABOVE N Levels...
Furthermore, if u could remember the same entry of 17 May 2008 (expectations in a guy), I expect the guy to be pious: in malay, mesti bersembahyang. I know he didnt. Coz my best friend has never solat before. If she didnt, I'm sure he didnt too and I'm right. I've asked him and he has never ever perform any solat.. This adds to more problem if my family were to find out he is not performing his prayers! *slaps forehead*
So shld I give it a try with this guy? What I meant is, to give him a chance. And to give myself a chance too.. In fact, some of the peeps I've asked advice tells me that its absolutely normal for a guy to be younger than a lady. I know a few couples:
1) Norfasarie (a Suria artiste - the same age as me) with Baikhakki (my secondary school junior - he's a year younger than me)
2) One of my aunts (a bank officer - in her mid 40s) with her husband (a police officer - in his late 30s)
3) My best friend (the guy's sister - aged 26) having a relationship with a guy who is the same age as me (he's not Singaporean)
4) Their parents, like I've said divorce BUT their mum remarried to a guy who is younger than her, So their step father is younger than their mum!
5) My idol, Hady.. Hady's step dad is younger than Hady's mum.. :) *mesti ada pasal Hady, tau in my blog! hahaha!*
6) I just found out a fellow HapyHady (babe, u knw who u are) who is 23, I think is in relationship with a guy 2 years younger than her.. and their parents already know.. =) Psst, they have been dating for err, 6 mths? 7 mths? Something like that la.. *winks*
I am totally confused.. I am now thinking of the future.. I mean what will happen /what will I say to my family shld they found out... And yeah, I have to know him more too...*From the conversation and smses so far, he's a bit kiddish still...*
P/S: Shld I let my best friend know abt this? I did mention this to him, he said please do not inform his sister. Its not the time yet. Sighz..
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
I always "berpegang" to my principle: I dun date younger guys. I am OK if younger guys wanna be friends with me but date me..
I received sms from my best friend's younger bro. U read it correctly: MY BEST FRIEND'S YOUNGER BRO. Which best friend? Well, if u have been constantly reading my blog / or (and) from JTSS, u shld know which Best friend I am referring to.. No idea? Let me give u clues..
I have 4 best friends - One is the ONLY CHILD and is MARRIED.. Second is the YOUNGEST and is IN RELATIONSHIP, third is the ELDEST WITH YOUNGER SISTER and she is a NURSE. Finally, she's the ELDEST WITH 3 YOUNGER BROTHERS and she's off to Poland for a job offer there.
Is ur guess / answer spot on? *smiles*
Let me continue.. the younger bro smsed me. At first, I didnt reply coz I dun entertain unknown numbers BUT the smses kept coming in and I have no choice but to reply: "May I know who is that?"
The reply: (Name of my best friend) brother. Sshh.. dun tell her. From the reply.. I know something fishy. Why doesnt he wants my best friend to know. Anyway, I dun wish to entertain him much and replied: "OK. So what can I do for u? and (my best friend) give u my number?"
Reply: I can make friend with u? Oh.. my home number has Caller ID, I got ur number there. What he meant with I can make friend, in malay term is, "boleh berkenalan?" I replied, "sure u can be my friend."
Reply: Then if long time friend then more than friend.. hehee.. Which in simpler term is, "After knowing each other as friends for a certain period, we move on.." When I read that reply, my eyes rolled.. OMG!
I didnt reply. Another sms came in, this time in malay... "Kita buat kwn dulu.. then dah kenal each other baru stead.." *slaps forehead* I am wondering if this bro of my best friend is desperate or immature? Ya lah.. belum apa-apa stead? *scratches head*
I didnt mean to tell him off, so I replied to his sms: "Stead? I am much older than u tau.. Kita kwn jer ah.. "
Its either he didnt want to give up or really desperate.. His reply: Tak per la tak kisah umur.. u tgk umur ehk? OMG.. Now he now didnt address me as "Kak" BUT "U"? Whenever I went to my best friend's house.. (coz I know the family very well already - her dad would like to be addressed as ABAH instead of UNCLE) the bro addressed me as, "Kak Maria.." But now lain pulak bunyi nyer...
Did I reply to that sms? Yes. "Tak ah.. Cuma weird kan... Kalau 1 or 2 yrs younger tak per.. but I'm sure our age gap is far." He indeed didnt give up. "Umur u brapa?" (How old are u?) I replied truthfully that I am turning 25. His reply: "Ok per.. I 22, boleh per.." 22?! Oh.. All along I thought my best friend's bro is still schooling - in ITE coz he looks so young.. so I reverted to him, "22? Sure? Not 19... U look like u are 19." (Though I did sometimes drop by my best friend's house, I never once asked her of her bro's age) I reconfirmed his age with my best friend - dun worry, she didnt suspect a thing.. I didnt tell her too..
As usual, his next reply tells me that he didnt want to give up. I am not sure if he wants to main-main or damn serious.. Nonetheless, I replied to his sms of "I 22 not 19. Kite kwn dulu tgk each other perangai dulu baru stead k.." (I am 22 not 19. We'll be friends first and see how each other character then stead, k). My reply: Hmm, its best that we betul-betul kenal each other as friends dulu. Jgn rush..
*Aku geli lah dgr / baca the word STEAD!* (I get goosebump upon hearing / reading the term, STEAD)
His next reply has no connection to my sms to him. Instead his next sms was, "One day I fetch u from work, can?" Though I am fasting, I wanted to choke upon receiving that sms. Lain mcm bunyi nyer: nak fetch?! Sighz.. I reverted to him, "Up to u.." (malas ah to layan! - lucky he's my best friend's bro if org lain . . . .)
He went on further, "U kerja kat Beach Rd kan?" Like duhz.. Of coz he knows coz he's my best friend's bro - he may have overheard our conversations... I gave a "yes" as a reply. I didnt even asked him but he went on, "I kerja kat airport. U dah save my number."
*eyes rolling*
Then smses kept exchanging and I got a shock with his next few smses.
1. "Nanti I stead with u, u tak kisah umur kan?" I replied, "Mmg tak kisah BUT if my family dpt tau, especially my nenek. Of coz I kena tell the truth and my nenek sure not happy. Coz my grandmother finds it ridicule if woman older than man."
2. "U ckp jer. Tapi skg u ada hati dgn me tak?" (Just tell them, but for now, u have feelings for me?) *slaps forehead*. MAMPUS! Ke situ lak?! My reply? "Aik? Takkan lah dgn sekelip mata I ada feelings kat u... belum kenal rapat kan.."
3. "Ok. Tapi jgn bilang org I ada hati dkt u tau dah lama dah.. " (I have a crush on u - to be precise: feelings for u for long time) I have been going to my best friend's house since the year 2002 - 6 yrs ago, he was 16! Dah pandai mengatal ehk?! Aiyoh...
The shocking one: I SWEAR I NEVER SAY YES and I am pretty SURE he didnt ask me that properly.. so I was very shocked to read this sms:
Anyway, kita buat kwn dulu tgk each other punya perangai dulu. Tapi I dah stead dgn u.. I setia tau... (Anyway, lets be friends first but I am already in relationship with u.. I am faithful u know) Apa dia berbual ni? Nasib I dun have a heart attack!
The next day, the exchange of sms resume. Part of me says that he is still young, therefore no idea what he was sms-ing but another part of me says that he is serious. Sighz... Serba salah la ku dibuatnyer. I kept asking him why didnt he want to inform his sister (my friend) that since a long time ago, he kinda has interest in me. He answered, "not the time yet." She is my friend. I am sure she is OK.
*tapi he is kinda immature in the sense that when I am late in replying his sms, he always give the same sms: asal lambat nah reply?* duhz...
My friends kept telling me to be mature.. Then kalau got this guy who is immature befriend me who is also immature.. bertambah lah tak mature! (the more immature I will be!). I yearn for older guys (not as old as 10 yrs older) because they are mature but it seems that the same older guys didnt want immature lady like me.. Heh.. Its okay.. Yg rugi mereka.. not me.. Waahaha..
Yes, I still remember my list of points I want for a guy. I told him two points: I DUN KNOW HOW TO COOK and I dun like guys who smokes, drinks, has tattoos and must pray. The only assurance he can give me : "U dun have to worry. I dun smoke. Kalau I smoke, I sanggup stop for u.." *jaws dropping*.
Now my mind is confused. I can continue being friends with the bro of my best friends and at the same time, pray seek Allah's guidance for assurance whether he will be the one or not. However, from his smses, I can hint that he wants us to be more than just friends. He wants to develop more than a friendship with me, which I can say I cant gurantee to him I will or I can.
Should I inform this to my best friend? I mean my best friend knows her bro inside out. Sighz.. I dun know lah... My mind already berkecamuk..
*I am really confused.. Need help, need suggestions.. need ADVICE!!* Feel free to flood this entry with comments (under Lite Bites) or thru Facebook / Friendster / Multiply comment.*
Friday, September 05, 2008
is it wrong to pursue a degree while u're busy working? reason why I am blabbering on this is because.. i know that 88% of ECSF staffs knw that I am a uni graduate. then what happens? some didnt talk to me, some who always smile when we bump into each other suddenly no longer smiles and some are not even being co-operative when it comes to work! the rest of the 12% - they dun even care, they understand and they still treat me the same - thats good!
whats wrong with those 88%? are they scared that I may show my degree to the management and naik pangkat? they have more working experiences than I do and definitely better brains than me, didnt they knw that nowadays in order to naik pangkat or naik gaji, its based on hard work and NOT qualification?! further to that, my qualification is UNRELATED to my scope of the job!- unless I do really want to take up that Ceritificate in I.P. so whats their problem?!
whats with all the stares? hello.. i am studying for my degree - with my OWN MONEY! how do I earn that money? work! at times, I have difficulty to pay for my sch fees too but I manage my finances and everything is fine.. DID I USE ANY OF THEIR MONEY?!! NO! So whats up with them?!
i dun wanna bother much abt this.. what i will do: come to work, do my work, be comfortable, be happy and earn money.. abt increment and promotion.. well, of coz I will also show my new and highest qualification to the management and I'll leave it up to them to decide on increment and promotion - I wont be hoping for more..