In English - SECRET'S OUT..

Hmm, not really serious so let me elaborate more..

I did rant that my fellow colleagues being such a BIG busybody and labelled me names such as cheap uni grad la, shameless etc etc coz I met him everyday! Once again, please be reminded that HE wants to MEET me NOT I want to meet him. Its his wish, I cant stop. I already got few info from my best friend (his sister - dun worry, she hasnt suspect anything) that he likes to stick to the gal - being clingy when he's free. So.. since he hasnt get a permanent job yet, still working under contract in Changi Airport as a baggage loader, he has 'free time' and he meets me everyday la! Why he has 'free time'? Sometimes he knocked off at 3.30pm, sometimes he knocked off at 11.30am..

I dun know whether its wrong or not nice to be seen meeting everyday. I did hint at A that I cannot meet him that often, but he degil la! My best friend told me already.. once he likes this gal, he will stick to her no matter what.. *slaps forehead*

I knew it! I know that one day this news will soon be let known to my grandma and my mum. Please be reminded that I have a stepcousin-in-law who is working on the 37th floor (GLC). The director of GLC is also the director of ECSF. Renewals dept of ECSF (consists of 6 malays - with only 2 non-malays) are located on the 37th floor instead of 30th floor because there isnt enuff office space to accomodate the 8 of them on 30th floor so tumpang GLC's office la!

Everyday A meets me, I know for sure that we will bound to meet one of my colleagues.. So definitely a few of them spotted us already and guess what? CAN THEY PLEASE RESPECT MY PRIVACY?! WHY MUST INFORM MY STEP COUSIN IN-LAW?! I know she's a relative but not that related to me ok! She's just the wife of my step cousin and my step cousin is the nephew of my step dad and u know how my step dad treated me and my grandmother!

I have no idea which colleague (from 30th floor or 37th floor) go and pecah tembelang to my step cousin in law and she informed her husband. Her husband is the nephew of my step dad and he is very manja with my step dad!! So of coz la my step cousin informed my step dad.

He joked with my step dad, "Wah.. tak berapa lama lagi.. dah dpt menantu.." My step dad had no idea what was going on! He was blur. My mum was there.. I guess she knows so she asked for further clarification.

*these pple also ah.. There is no strings attached between me and A yet but when they spotted us together only... mcm-mcm they assume and my step cousin also ah.. why he exaggerate say nak dpt menantu.. aiyoh!*

My mum went back home relate it to my grandma and interrogated me with questions after question as if I have commited a serious crime! Both the ladies said that, Kak SBI (my step cousin in law) told them that she also saw both of us before because the "kaypohs" instigated her to see for herself if she believe the 'kaypohs' are not telling the truth. So she saw me and A before (I think - I didnt notice her!) and mentioned to my mum and her husband that he looks like a nice guy.

Still, the ladies esp my grandmother said, "Umur la tak kena... Kalau dia 24 tak per..tapi dia 22 tau!" (age la problem if he's 24, not that bad but he's 22). My mum continued, "Pelajaran dia rendah tapi dia nak sambung balik tu ok la.." (He has only NTC but he wishes to continue for further studies)

I told A that I have degree and he only NTC, qualification gap is too wide and I may be laughed at by my relatives shld there be 'jodoh' between us so A is willing to continue with his studies.. just for my sake! Hmm.. maybe he really likes me and do anything for me?

Both the ladies kept quiet when I told them that A works in Changi Airport (I didnt mention its contract - nanti lagi bising!). My mum got excited. "Gaji besar tau tu.. Kerja kat airport.."
*eyes rolling* **Kalau la dia tau A is working as contract, how will be her reaction?**

So, yup even the secret's out.. I think they tak bising bising lagi la. Maybe they can sense the sincerity in him as in everyday come and fetch me home etc etc.. I really have no idea..

Before I end this entry, my grandmother wants me to search for another job.. Reason? This is what she says, "Kalau da dpt bonus tahun ni, gi apply cari kerja lain.. byk sangat org kaypoh kaypoh, jaga tepi kain org... nasib kau dpt kat tingkat 30 kalau sama dgn kak SBI, tingkat 37.. lagi teruk kau.. Melayu mmg byk yg kaypoh tak kira tua or muda.. "

(Not going to translate it for non-malays, coz u may guess what is going on.. the word, "kaypoh" is there so I'm sure u can guess what my granny says. :) )

Amyria pours her heart out @ 1:24 am   |

Is it wrong to meet a guy everyday? I know he's not a bf yet but its not ME who wants to see him, but he wants to see me, he insists.. I didnt ask him why.. Maybe thats his way of showing that he really wants me? I did ask him why and voice out my concern and he just lamented said, "why bother what they say? its our life.. our privacy.. our wish ah to meet everyday.." *shrugs* I dun know.. Its his life, why bother BUT..

PLEASE STOP WITH ALL THOSE GOSSIPS! IT HAS BEEN HURTING ME! I've been hearing "rumours" that I have no shame everyday go see him.. I've been labelled as narrow-minded and cheap uni grad la... etc etc..

DO THEY THINK I REALLY WANNA MEET HIM... ITS HIS WISH, I CANT STOP HIM, Sometimes I told him I wanna lunch with colleagues, he also joins in, which clearly means, wherever I go, he goes. *mcm gini susah ah I want to go for Hady Mirza, Taufik or Revalina.. takut dia jealous nanti.*

P/S: Yes he is working BUT as a contract and he purposely ends work at 11.30am (working hrs: 6.30am to 3.30pm) half day so that he can see me for lunch though I advise him not to do so unnecessarily.. sometimes I also suggest to him to use that free time to search for a permanent job.. Tapi dia degil la..

So maybe my colleagues find it weird or simply wrong for us to meet everyday as they also want some moments with me, the rumours starts.. Because of the rumours, it has begun to affect my work. Yes! My work performance is slowly not doing so progressively.. The management said my work performance is slowly going bad.. and they wanna know why.. I have no idea.. All along I thought I am doing OK.. BUT after much thought, must be due to the rumours, thats why I have not been performing well.. Besides to add on to it, its the recession.. so maybe the management trying to find those pple with a bit of higher salary to 'retrench' them? Who knws?

And there have been rumours abt A.. I've been hearing colleagues assume that A is rich.. HAHAHA.. If he is rich, I will be very happy already.. My nenek will definitely approve despite the age being younger than me, my mum sure agrees even if he has lower education than me.. But because he's not rich la thats why my life is such a mess.. I am seeing and meeting him in discreet ok! Kalau dia kaya, aku tak susah mcm ni.. so please lah SHUT UP.. DUN ANY HOW ASSUME!

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Kak OLIN:
Oh wow, thats bad girl, susah sikit nak nasihat pasal dia, kalau dia degil nak jumpa u, nak cakap apakan.. maybe once he got a permanent job, will be better, I hope.

In terms of ur work, after management call u, I suggest u shld talk to ur superior. I think u shld approach her and ask her the truth abt what she feels abt ur work, ask her to be frank and dun beat around the bush, also u dun have to be afraid, that way would be better for u to improve urself.. u know sometimes we are unable to see our faults dear, maybe u shld try to speed up on ur work (since they claim u're slow - though I noticed, u type quite fast) and concentrate on ur work rather than think abt problems with him / abt him.. U can do so after office hours.. Dik, I too got lots of problems in my head, but during office hours, I shut off everything... just focus on work, try that method ok? Dun be negative when management calls u, its for ur own good to improve urself, abt gossips in the office, why must it bother u? Pple loves to gossip, u cant control their mouth.

DCJ:
As for me, I dun label u as what those pple said of u (cheap uni grad la, shameless etc etc). I believe u are the one who seek happiness and love is very funny in many ways.. Its nothing wrong with u finding Mr. Right who seek to spend the rest of ur life with him.. Thats why he meets u everyday, he is searching for happiness; i.e, if u're the one for him, can u make him happy? Husbands and wives meet everyday so he is doing that now. Maybe thats his method of seeking happines...

Let people say u are cheap, narrow-minded and list go on blah blah blah... u have to be strong and brave to fight for wat u wan in ur life. Even if many things happen to u, ur stance for life must be consistent and firm. At the end of the long tunnel, u will see light and everything will go smoothly according to ur plan. Ur family accept him and people will say sorry for what they say and give u blessings.

U may face trials in love but it is good for u so that u can see true colours, gain more experiences and be ready to take on challenges in future. Remember to keep it to urself.. If u need to share ur problems, share with this guy, Allah and ur close friends for advice.

Remove hurt frm ur heart and u feel free. Must fight for ur guy to get ur parent blessing. It is good to defend this guy since u know him well.. I cant judge this guy coz I dun know him so I'm not permitted to give comments right? Remember no one is perfect and learn to live with dignity and content heart.

Amyria pours her heart out @ 1:36 am   |

At first I thought my mum is OK with guys being younger than me..

See I told u if any guy out there who wish to befriend me, must know that I have a complicated family. My mum is ashamed of her husband (my stepfather) so she changed her mind and decided that I shldnt be close friends with guys being younger than me furthermore, lower educated than me..

Honestly I told her that coz she asked and she disapproved of the friendship because he has NTC-3. She knows that those who failed PSLE more than 2 or 3 times will have to go to NTC. Upon hearing that, my grandmother got even more worried la and instructed me to severe the friendship. My mum said to me, "Kau tak malu ker dgn saudara mara.. kau degree graduate and then dpt org yg PSLE pun tak pass.."

I dun like to argue with elderly.. Because to me if I were to argue - rude to the elderly.. So I have to respect them. Scared? Nope.. Respect is the word. I explained to my mum nicely that, he has NTC, a qualification higher than PSLE.. at least he went to school..

They said to me that its OK for women to be younger and less educated than the men because the men in future will be the head of the family so he must be higher educated and older than the women. Sighz..

Because of that, my mum insisted that I stayed far away from him coz his qualification is too low.. She does not mind the age but she mind the qualification.. I am aware of that but cant my mum think?

She married twice and who does she married to? She has O levels. She married my dad who only has Sec 2 (went to Malay school - means all subject taught in Malay except English) then remarried to my step dad who has only Sec 1 qualification.. also from Malay school. And is she happy with both her marriages? Aint gonna continue further, some of u have already know the answer.

Furthermore, my step dad who only has Sec 1 qualification.. earned MORE $$ than my mum! Before he works as a driver, he works in PSA earning less than $1000 but more than $700. He worked hard and got increment. When he got a new job as a driver (after securing that driving license), he earned the same salary as me! My mum who has 0 levels worked as a production operator for many many years and how much she earned? $800. With OT, she can get $1100, still it is less than my step dad.

So why cant she think?! Low education so what.. one day that person who has low qualification will earn more than u.. I know both of them dun want me to be like my mum - who married twice - thats why I have been performing my prayers and seek Allah's guidance. I believe Allah did give me his guidance.

I analyze it all. I met men before with different levels of qualification before but I dun have the confidence in them + some of them ask me for sex and money. Once they asked for these two things, out they go from my life. Remember R? I rejected him coz yeah he earned lesser than me and is lower educated than me. But why I rejected him because I didnt write in this blog abt what he asked for. So, let me tell u What he asked for.

Money. He borrowed money from me. It was long time ago before he proposed to me that he wants me to be his gf. He got a motorcycle fine for parking his motorcycle wrongly and he was short of cash and came to ME for help. I did ask him if he has asked anybody else. His answer was, no one can lend him that much money. I believe him coz the issue here: money.. How much he asked for? $300. Did I lend him? I lent him $150 only. I told him that was the only amount I can afford. He seems disappointed but still accept the $150. Did he return? Yes. $75 the next month and another $75 the following month.

And u know what? He promised that he wont borrowed from me again but a few months later, he has spent over his budget and again came to me to ask me if I could lent him $200. Enuff is enuff. Once is enuff. I told him off. Yes! I did! After that incident, he still have the nerve to contact me - its OK as friends - but he sound me to be his gf.. No way! Belum jadi gf, dia dah minta pinjam duit, kalau dah jadi gf, bukan pinjam duit, tapi give duit! I can tolerate any other things but guys asking for sex, one nite stands and money simply turned me off!

My otak buntu. My sister told me that my grandmother may have hasut my mother. My mother seemed to be OK.. She does not mind as long as he treated me good. Then upon hearing that he has lower qualifcation than me, dah lain lak.. Sighz..

Here's what my sister's sms to me (she cant tell me coz my granny will hear so she sms la), "U see la.. U tell too soon.. See what nonsense nenek talking.. I see A is a nice guy." I replied to that and her reply, "I know.. Chill ok? She thinks too much la.. Ugh.. Nenek keeps talking abt money.."

Yeah she did! She thinks that A is out there chasing after my money.. Sighz.. And she kept saying, "Khalid dgn dia lagi tinggi pelajaran Khalid." (My brother and A, my brother is higher educated than A.) Not only that, she also blurted out this, "Agak nyer dia nak duit la tu jadi dia cari pompuan yg lebih tua.." Why must she thinks A is after MY $$. Dont make me lose my patience coz if I do, I may just revealed all those guys whom I ever met who are older than me, same educational level as me and guess what? ASK FOR MONEY.. Yeah! One more time, she assumes A is this, A is that.. I'm gonna say that ok!

FMA's advice:

C'mon la. U shld not fear / hurt with ur nenek's harsh words. U just smile @ her. Ur mum reminds ur nenek of her broken marriage. Whatever she spits @ u, u shld take her woeds coz she wants u to think carefully or dont want u to be stupid like ur mum who has a failed marriage. U hve to discuss with him to be serious focus on both ur future like financial management etc to shut ur nenek up. Just let her carry on with her harsh words till she is tired, she will stop. Think carefully, of nenek wants u to have older men but he has low / no qualification makes no difference coz as long as love is found on both of u.

HAM's comment:

Ini dah mcm Antara 2 Darjat.

My reply: Yup, mmg like Antara 2 Darjat, cerita P. Ramlee. My relatives are all very highly respectable in terms of their educational level and their occupation. Master holder married Bachelor Degree. Bachelor Degree married Bachelor Degree / Diploma. Diploma married Diploma / A Levels. A levels married Higher NITEC. Higher NITEC married with Higher Nitec / Nitec / O Levels. And those O level holder married with O levels (no cousin of mine is up to N level. All after N or O level, proceed to ITE education)

If it is really jodoh (yeah, i know i let nature / fate takes its course) between me and A.. Our qualification level is already too much of a difference.. Bachelor Degree with NTC (NITEC - in this case) So dah mmg lah ni mcm ANTARA 2 DARJAT!

Amyria pours her heart out @ 10:24 pm   |

Well... surprisingly... I didnt even asked him but I received an sms: "One day I nak jumpa ur grandmother..."

I couldnt believe what I've read! I called him for assurance if he is really serious. He is indeed serious! He revealed that he really likes me and would like me to be his girlfriend. He does not mind the age gap. FYI, I too has begun to have feelings for him coz I felt comfortable with our meets. Further to that info, he is more matured than me, which I can say I'm suprised!

*Now I understand why almost every day without fail, he would fetch me from work! Sampai the whole office of ECSF dah kenal dgn muka dia! *slaps forehead* SMA, my colleague initiated to me that if he were to treat me like a friend, he would not have to fetch me everyday from work! Dah lain cerita ni.. So now I know why.*

But... I have a problem.

Well, the friendship with A has been progressing so far and we almost shared some intimate moments after our breaking our fast. Not to worry, those intimate moments were just sitting close to each other.

Like I'd mentioned, he revealed that he really likes me and would like me to be his girlfriend but not now la as he cant commit if he's working under contract basis - earning little $$. He wants to stay as very close friends with me.

I can accept him after he is really committed to it but I have to deal with one problem: My grandmother. I braved myself up to inform this to my grandmother (so it is easier for me to tell her where I'm going and with who - who knows I may run out of ideas on what "white lies" to tell her) that I got to know A who wants to befriend me. Honestly, I told her he is my best friend's brother and he is younger than me.

Guess what she told me? "Kawan gitu-gitu saja boleh. Jgn kawan rapat. Dia tu muda pangkat adik. Kau tu pangkat kakak." (Just friends only can.. Dont be too close or too serious.. He's younger than U, he's like a small brother to U and U're like a big sister to him) Do u know what does that mean? This clearly explains that she will eventually objects to it (It can be referred as friendship or the future relationship.)

I broke the news to him and he was disappointed. FYI, he had informed both his mum & step dad that he got to know me and his mum and step dad wants to meet up with me! Oh before I continue, let me get this clear first. Though his sister is best friend, I have never met her mum & step dad before. I've only met their father. So since the mum & step dad wants to meet me, eventually one day, my best friend will know. I know for sure his family will not mind. And I also know my best friend will not mind.. (just read the chats I've with her via Facebook - u will know)

My family? I related the same to my mother and sister. Both of them seem OK. My mother mentioned, "even our prophet Nabi Muhammad married woman older than him." So OK. I will not have to worry much as my mother will definitely have no objections in future.

But NOT for my grandmother. She insisted that I severe the friendship. She said to me that I am much older than the guy. I tried explaining to her that the guy doesnt mind but she is as stubborn as an ox (That's why I follow after her: I am also very stubborn *smiles*) said to me that, "For now.. he doesnt mind but in future, he will mind and go look for someone younger."

I coax her into saying, "what if Allah has fated me to be with him." (before I continued, my grandmother kept pacing up and down and 'reminding' me that woman must be younger than the man).

This is what she said, "We can run away from fate. It does not mean that we have to accept the fate." Again, I told her that his mum married a man younger than her. My grandmother does not seem to give up. She answered, "His mum is a divorcee so its different story. U're not a divorcee yet, u're young and unmarried etc etc.."

Like I've said, I took after my grandmother so I am also degil and told her that even our prophet married a woman older than him. Guess what? She replied that we cant necessary follow the footsteps of our prophet. His is a different story. (There my grandmother goes again.. pacing up and down "bashing and hitting" at me that woman must be younger than the man because women tend to aged faster )

So I relate everything to A and he seems disappointed. Before he replied, he said sorry to me coz he has to say this: My grandmother is old fashioned. Guess what? He is determined to meet my grandmother and explained that he really likes me and if there is "jodoh" for us to be together, so be it. Yes, he is determined to do so but not now as he is working on a contract basis - not earning much $$. As soon as he secures a permanent job, he will do so.

Furthermore, I didnt tell him that my grandmother has the thinking that A wants to befriend me becoz I have more $$ than him. If I were to tell him that, he will get offended. FYI, when we went out, we went dutch. I didnt expect him to pay and he didnt expect me to pay too. We went dutch. In addition to that, he befriended me not because of $$. He has never once ask me for $$. Not like some other guys I've met..

If I were to tell to my grandmother that I'd met some men older than me before but I ran away from them because of these 3 things (will list down later), she will freak out!

1) they ask for sex
2) they ask for $
3) they hinting at me to give them $$ in future (u know I'm already a graduate - some of them know and only 1 of them kept saying, "Woah.. graduate already... can find better job with higher pay.." What does that mean? It clearly means that he is only after MY $$!)

Yeah.. She will of coz freak out! She already MELENTING when I informed her abt A being younger than me and wants to befriend me, definitely she will freak out even more upon knowing I happen to meet those types of men who asked for those 2 things from me before..

Anyway, A assured me that he will work hard. Coz I told him that I will only be friends with him if he kerja rajin (my father who lazy to work and depends on my mother!) and I will only be friends with him if he treats me well and tak menengking (my stepfather always tengking at my mother! like no respect like that!) He assured me that he's not that kind of person. Do I believe him? Well, maybe.

I know I should not have inform this to my grandmother yet. But its a good thing, I did. We're just friends and she already has objections.. What if we're in relationship in future, wont it make the matter worst?

Advice from FMA:

Hey! Who asked u to talk to ur grandma like that? U sound impatient! U shld wait for 1 mth or so then u can talk to her abt it. Nvm its too late but its ok.

I suggest that u can be patient and explain clearly to nenek slowly, even if she is stubborn to listen becoz she is quite sensitive due to her age.

U can ask her why she prefers older men for u. Its ur choice to have younger bf or not. She shld respect ur choice. If she wants older man for u and anything happens to u, she shld be responsible and will regret always. Which one is impt for u? Ur nenek or ur happiness? U have longer life unlike ur nenek (sorry).

If she does not believe that Prophet Muhammad married older women, what for she follows Islam way? Ask her to think carefully why ur mom is divorced and remarried again. If she still didnt believe, u have some confidence / courage to face in reality by bringing him to see ur family.

Both of u have to be tolerant with nenek whatever she does / says nasty to u all. Just smile & respect her. Just continue dating him. But make sure he keeps his promise to u, not to change his mind / hurt ur feelings.

Whenever / Whatever etc etc both of u may face any difficulties in ur life, better solve them slowly on ur own - not depend on others for help but u are welcome to ask for advice. In order to prove nenek that both of u do better than she expects.

Advice from kak OLIN:

Its true age is not an issue here, as for ur nenek she's been protective only, remember this jodoh semua di tangan Tuhan, dia lebih tua ker, lebih muda ker itu semua sudah di tulis, as for now, kawan aje then u see how it goes, certain things kalau u tau ur nenek melenting, no need to share with her so much only share with those that understand u better, at the end of the day this is ur feelings concern, asalkan jalan u betul InsyaAllah everything will be OK and tidak bertentangan dgn ajaran Islam, should be alrite...

Amyria pours her heart out @ 4:58 pm   |