Friday, October 29, 2004
I think i saw Shirin. I was at Tanjong Pagar station control walking towards an escalator for my class when I saw her talking to a friend. I wasnt sure if it was her but I think it was really her! I didnt approach her not becoz i was shy but I just didnt want to interrupt her conversation with her friend.
Woah.. First, I met, saw and apprached Haizad and there was also a conversation between us! Today, I saw Shirin but I didnt approach her not becoz she is a lady and not a guy but she was with her friend. Haizad was alone when I approach him. If only Shirin was alone.. definitely I will approach her.
My instinct tells me that Chris will be going out of the competition tonite. Let's just see.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
ARGH!!! MY LAPTOP HAS BEEN INFECTD BY VIRUS!!! Lucky, it didnt crash my system. The virus just crashed my intenet!!! So, I CANT SURF THE NET!!!! Wat's the use if u have MSN but cant surf websites?! That wasnt the only problem! The laptop all of the sudden switched off by itself!!! DAMN!
Where am I now? At WESSC lah! I cant surf at home.. If I were to go to Aloha Cybercafe at Ginza, I have to pay.. So, I have to endure till I am at WESSC or in school. Hope I get a job soon so that, I can surf the net while I am working unless my computer has no internet connection.
Me doing 3 things at one time: Updating my blog, give tuition and watch SINGAPORE IDOL. Speaking of Singapore Idol, there is now left with 6 idols..I was shocked when my friend SMSed me telling me tat Maia was out last week. Hmm.. who will go out tmr??
Sunday, October 24, 2004
This chat log was on 13 October.. On 13 October, I went for a job interview,remember? And i was approached by sumone who said that hewas my senior back in sec sch.Read the chat log first (me with Mokhtar), then continue reading my other paragraphs..
I delete some of the irrelevant chattings..
ME:ok b4 i go 2sleep, i wan to say someting
Mokhtar:ok...shoot
ME: just now when adek tngh nak tunggu bas nak balik rumah(after my interview), ada 1 guy ni approach me..
ME: cara dia approach me tu mcm dia kenal adek TAPI adek sampai skg ni tngh fikir dia siapa.. sebab adek tak kenal..dia kata dia my senior..
ME: at hm, i browse thru my sch mag..tak de pun muka dia..
ME: tapi dia kata dia kenal adek..tapi asal dia tanya..my name?dia tanya cam ni: "Ala..i lupa ah nama u..siapa eh?" Adek ni plak ingat kan dia mmg ah my senior so I say lah "Maria" then dia pun.."Oh yeah..Maria!"
ME: adek ade tanya dia siapa adek tak ingat.. dia kata "ala tak kan tak ingat ni eddy.. your senior..u were in sec 1 and me in sec 4.. sekolah mana tu.. (dia think of a sch name)" when adek plak ckp "Jin Tai Sec sch" lepas tu dia pun.. "oh ah ah.. jin tai "
Mokhtar: wah ada peminat seh..
ME: ah??? Adek belum masuk tv per.. mana leh ade peminat..
Mokhtar: tak semesti nyer masuk tv baru ada peminat
ME: tapi knp cara dia tu mcm gi2.. ?
ME: ALAMAK..dia minta my number..adek gi beritau dia plak...
ME: so any comments?
Mokhtar: well ...if he calls u.....it means dia ada hati tu..hehehe
ME: org tanya serious dia buat main2!
Mokhtar: betul... just wait and see...he will make his move..
ME: yah yah big bro knows best
Mokhtar: but be careful with whom u go out with...
ME: i knw
Mokhtar: always met @ a place where there is crowd...
ME: I knw oh yeah..i forget.... b4 he left..dia tanya adek...dia tanya..adek dah ade bf ke belum skg..adek ckp ah no.. dia tanya lagi.. knp.. but i didnt ans him coz bus pun dah dtg..
ME: Adek rimas lah kalau schmates lama jumpa and ask "Got bf already?"
ME: dia kata nanti mlm dia kol..Mokhtar: but he did nt cal rite
ME: no
Mokhtar: there i told u...
ME: told me wat?
Mokhtar: i know he didnt call.
ME: how do u knw? do u know his motive of doing tat?
Mokhtar: dia malu kot...maybe he will sms adek besok..
Mokhtar: but a werd of advice...
Mokhtar: if he wants to meet...
ME: i know find a crowded plc...
Mokhtar: meet him in an open area...
ME: maybe the piece of paper yg dia tulis my number tu hilang..so tak dpt kol.. hahaha
ME: ok klah thanks for listening.. me dah nak tido ni..esok keje.. bye
Mokhtar: ok...
ME: gd nyte
Mokhtar: jaga diri..
On 14 october, while I was in WESSC, i received a call. The number isan unknown number.. I answered. It was tat guy.. Since I was bz.. I canttalk much to him. But he called me again the same day b4 i went offto sleep. Eww.. I dun really like the way he sounded.. He talked to melike wanting me to be attracted to him..u know.
Since tat 14 october, he has been calling me almost everyday.. Lucky,my hp is now Free Incoming calls(still using SingTel) so wat the heck!Just "entertain" him lah!
I asked if he was really my senior.. he WAS. He mentioned all his peersof the same batch as him.. I know a few of them like Nur Eddie( he is Eddy Shahril), Yazid, Irzaq and Muliadi.. When I asked him how come I cant find his picture in the sch mag..he said, he was absent on the day of phototaking.. Oh..
We finally met on 18 October. I went back to my workplace to collect my pay.. my boss forgot to hand me my pay by cheque on 15 october so hecalled me to collect my cheque.. I dun mind since the place is NOT far BUT near..
The nite b4(17Oct) he already asked if we could meet. I said YES but the place is at IMM. When he asked y, i told him after meeting him, I have to meet my elder cousin. There was silence. He gave a sigh of disappointment and said, "Ok, meet u tmr at IMM."
Now..read the emails i sent to most of my friends; CC to Mokhtar..So far, only Ainn(best friend) and Mokhtar replied..
Hello! Hey, remember, I tell u abt a guy approaching me? He said he is our senior? Friday he called again n wants to meet. So I agree at IMM 1pm.
When we meet at IMM, he began to touch me.. Bila I elak.. Guys, they are stronger than girls so dia tepis.. and so he still touch lah..
Then after we asked each other questions(he still touching me), he proposed to me.. He wants to be my bf.. He gives me time to think..
Cam ne ah..kalau dia call nanti? Tau lah I have to say NO tapi takut ah kalau dia demanding? Belum in relationship, dia dah touch2 apa lagi in a relationship..payah tu..
Reply from Mokhtar:
The first date and he oreadi proposed to become ur bf...ehmmm. Something 's not right here. In addition,touched u. That is a biggest mistake a guy could ever make... If he calls,asks him these ;
1. Why do u like me,we haven't known each other that well.?
2. Then asks this question to urself....do u find him to ur liking ?If ur answer to question no 2 is NO....Tell him that u dont want to make any committments yet,u need to concentrate on ur studies first.
If ur answer to question no 2 is YES,tell him why not be frens first and get to know each other better. Then see if there is chemistry...take the relationship to the next level. But stress also that u dont like to be harassed.
If he likes u...he got to learn to respect u.
Hope the above are helpful to u. But at the end of the day,it's u who makes the final decision. Be firm and positive in ur answer.Yes,u may hurt someone...but isn't it better to to know now and regret later than regret now and know later.
Salam Ramadan,
Mokhtar
My answer is NO of course! I dun EVEN know him! "I DO NOT ENTERTAIN TOTAL STRANGERS ESP. GUYS like him.. I DO NOT ENTERTAIN SUCH CRAPS" Oh, i forgot to elaborate on the touching.. To some of u.. u may wondering: "Just touch your hands ok lah" But he didnt touch my hand..he touched all over my body in front of all the crowd!! He wanted me to sit with him in a dark staircase near the lift at IMM i said NO. When he asked y i told him: " Ini kan bulan puasa, tak manis kalau kita duduk berdua-duaan di staircase sunyi tu". When I said tat, his face was red. Dun know if he was angry or embarassed. *who does he thinks i am?*
Next reply is from Ainn..
Maria, dat guy is certainly NOT a GOOD guy!! He isnt your bf and he had touched you?! Dia ingat kau ni apa? Perempuan murahan ke? Can u imagine wat wld he do 2u once he has become your bf?! I know u have made up your decision, NO is the answer! Sometimes, we have to be firm. I know u dun like to hurt pple's coz u've been hurt in love b4. U do not know tis guy.. maybe he is a total stranger who posed off as our senior! Remember just say NO. No matter how he tries to plead u, just say NO! I dun understand lah Maria, y bad guys are always attracted 2u? Y not good guys?!! Tis guy is NOT the FIRST bad guy u met. There are some others. Tats all I have to say.
Salam Ramadhan,
Ainn
Thursday, October 21, 2004
I hate it!! My laptop is down and my mum said I will get it repaired next week!!! Damn!! So, now I am in WESSC to update my blog!! I also watch SINGAPORE IDOL at the same time!! Tonite's theme is "Your Favourite Idol". Taufik..sang his fav.idol song: YEAH by USHER!!! Cool!!! Maia... All along i thought she is Singapore's Britney Spears.. But I was wrong! She isnt!! Phew!! Her fav. idol is Shakira!! Jerry?? HE IS OUT ALREADY!! FINALLY!!
If I joined next year, and it is still have the same theme.. u damn right.. I am gonna sing a BRITNEY SPEARS' song!! Hehehe.. Oh yeah! Tmr, b4 the results, the idols have to do a a dance item! They are going to do a dance from BRITNEY SPEARS' My Prerogative!! Cool!! BUT Damn!! I CANT WATCH!! I have NITE classes!! Nvm.. i can still watch the repeat telecast on Saturdays..which wil be on 30 October.. *Lamanya!*
Time check.. 9.05M.. still at WESSC.. helping Neo Xiao Li with her homeworks. Her teacher gave her tons of homeworks to do for the 4 days of holidays.. And she has no elder siblings to teach her, she has no mother, her dad is at work, so her grandma sent her here. Xiao Li said must finish the whole work book tmr... WAT? And NOW she is still halfway!! Oh dear! Poor thing! Me, my siblings, Gino, Alfred n Mr Daud stayed up to accompany her..
NOTE: HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY TO MUHAMMAD HAFIDZ BIN BASRI
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Her birthday falls on the fasting month. So was mine in the year 2001. Next year (2005), her birthday will be on the second day of Hari Raya Puasa. (Next year Hari Raya will be on 18 Oct 2005 - coincides with WESSC 2nd anniversary). My 19th birthday was alsp on the second day of Hari Raya Puasa in 2002 (2002 - Hari Raya Puasa was on 6 December, my birthday - next day!) Isnt tat cool?! Scroll down to have a look at my mum's pic.
My cousin, Nadiah. She turned 20 today. She is smart! Yeah.. She went to Clementi North Primary School EM2 stream BUT she managed to go to CRESCENT GIRLS SCHOOL. She did well for her O levels but she cant get into her favourite JC => Pioneer Junior College. So she went to Singapore Poly.. taking Biomedical course.
This is my mum. If u have read my 17 OCt entry... there will be a question which u want the answer..ryt? Did I skip class yesterday? NOPE! No way am I gonna skip class.. I am a private student.. the fees damn expensive..so cannot play play! So, was my mum n grandma angry? NOPE..coz..
Yesterday, my mum's NTUC Insurance Agent came for some work purposes.(My mum signed up for AIA and NTUC Income Insurance coverage). When her agent came, my mum wants me to sit beside her(my mum). Wateva for? I did ask her tat and she told me: "U will know later".
Then my mum deliberately say this: "My daughter, she wants to sign up but i told her she cant becoz she cant find a job." (I looked at my mum surprised..*since when i wanna sign up?*)
So wat was my mum's agent's reaction? My mum's agent said: "No problem.. NTUC has a lot of vacancies its just tat NTUC didnt advertise in the papers coz its expensive so NTUC has to depend on their staff to look for people to work in NTUC. Dont worry, I will fight for her. Definitely, she will get a job with NTUC."
*Wat work is tat?! Haiyah.. NTUC has their own building ryt? The headquarters.. over there lah as service counter ke, HR Clerk ke, IT Clerk ke.. blah. WAT?! Cashier!! Only those morons will think tat the job my mum's agent gonna offer me is the usual cashier at any NTUC fair price supermarket! Hello, if i wanna work as NTUC cashier, I wldnt have to study for diploma, adv.diploma and now degree.. If I wanna work as a Full Time cashier, I wld have done so after my O levels..*
I tell u, my mum was delighted man! Me? Well, upon hearing tat, I just give a sheepish smile. I dont know when I can start. My mum's agent had to submit my name and resume to the management first. Then, the management will call me. The agent said to me.. "If the management pple hadnt call u, tell ur mum n ur mum will let me know.. i will ask them wats going on. Dun worry.. my daughter also has same qualifications as u.. she cant get a job and since she loves talking, she joined me as an Insurance agent.. I can c u dun like to talk..so I will tell them to let u work in other departments.."
This is a picture of my sister and our cat, Tompok. Hmm... dun really know wat to write abt my younger sister. Just post her photo in my blog for fun.. HAHA..
Sunday, October 17, 2004
Today is the 3rd day of the fasting month for all the Muslims everywhere in the world (BULAN SUCI RAMADHAN). How time flies..
Guess where am I? Home? Nope!! School? Nope! WESSC? Nope! I am at Aloha Cybercafe in Ginza Plaza!! What the hell am I doing here? My brother lah! Did something to the laptop again!!! So, I have no choice but 2come here NOT only 2add entry to my blog but do some research from the internet for my CRM assignment.
Can't I do tat at WESSC? Yes, I can but today is Sunday. I think there are a lot of member went in to the centre 2play,read books or wateva. I need 2use the computer in the computer room. Surely there are some members inside the computer room, being kepo and asked : "Kak Maria buat ape?" Then for some, they will make noise when playing.
Here at Aloha Cybercafe, yes it IS noisy BUT there is NO one coming up 2me ans asked "Wat are u doing?" Blah Blah ..
Tmr my mum wants me 2skip class. I told her I DONT WANT. But she said "even if u dont want to skip class tmr, sooner or later, you'll have 2quit sooner or later - no difference at all"
What do she mean by tat? She wants me to to to "MEET THE PEOPLE SESSIONS" lah.. U know those meeting session by GRC for pple around the neighbourhood.. Meet the People Session is on every Monday 7.30pm. I dont want to skip class!
My mum just wld'nt listen! She still wants me to go for the Meet The People Session! Wateva for? To tell S.Iswaran MP GRC for West Coast tat I have difficulty to get a job. WAT?! Until that extent?!
She wants me to tell Mr S.Iswaran tat I have difficulty finding a job because they do not want Malay. They want Chinese and she wants me to say tis to Mr S.Iswaran: "Wat's the use even if Malays study until Diploma or Degree but they are not wanted in the working industry"
*Sigh* I am now in fixed!! to skip class or not to skip class.. My grandma said this: "Get help from MP GRC. Then once u have the job, u dont have to skip classes anymore." Oh dear.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Just viewed my blog just now.. Decided not to have any entry but I saw some tag messages 2 meaningful ones and one.. Oh as usual.. SICKENING to READ
Now tat person use the name Anonymous.. (Confirm I know this Guy!). Yesterday's entry, the last paragraph, I wrote tat I have a job interview today ryt? And I wrote "Friends, pray for me.." I think not only he is a Nasty person but also blind person. Did I ask tat anonymous guy to pray for me? NOPE! Y HE "terasa"? I am telling to all my friends to pray for me.. He is NOT INCLUDED..
And he said I will neva get the job becoz of my dress sense.. WAT RUBBISH? Nowadays, companies are looking for suitable candidates who have qualifications.. not those who dressed like a maid or a bimbo! Hmm.. are the companies I went for interviews Belong to him? Coz if those companies belong to him, then he wont need employees who have qualifications.. All he wants is to have employees dressed up like a B****. I dun dress like tat.. I am a Muslim.. Finally, Dressing is a Family issue.. OUTSIDERS PLZ DO NOT INTERFERE!
Ok, then I read 2 meaningful tag msgs from Azel and Mulyadi! Well, although Azel is not a degree undergrad, his highest qualifications is Advanced Diploma which is equivalent to Poly's Diploma, he didnt say nasty things abt me.. Well, its true I've only know him since 2002, when I stepped both my feet to Informatics. Only 2 years coming to 3.. My secondary sch friends..know me Longer BUT within this 2 years Azel know me, he doesnt think I am Nasty..like wat Anonymous assumed. Tat was y I said most of Britney's song Coincides with my life.. *nodding my head*
Anyway, here is wat he said at my tag board.. I know u can read it from my tag board yourself but better if I copy and paste it here.. the font is bigger.. Wahahaha..Azel said: "I cant help but to tag here. Hey, ya on a public domain and there are tons of ppl here who will write nasty stuff about you and hurt you personally because they simpily have no life and brain(obviously). Anyway, after stopping @ ADCS and started work with a almost miserable 1K i think it is good to carry on with your degree as in the future, your value (salary) will increase significantly. Sorta like an investment for the future" =)
Alamak Azel! Y u say like tat.. wait people thinks tat I am money-minded.. Study so high until degree ah is to get job which pay more than 1.5K.. Who knws some idiots with no brains will have tat kind of perception.. Well, I want to study degree is To KEEP UP WITH THE COMPETITIVE economy.. So tats y and number 2 is Most of my elder cousins ARE UNIVERSITY GRADUATES So y cant I make my own family proud?
Anyway what Azel tagged is ryt.. Pple who said nasty things abt me..simply has no life and brain but one thing which puzzles me is.. both of them (Azel and Anonymous) are of the same educational status.. (Advanced Diploma = 3 years Poly Diploma) how come Azel can think more maturely than him? Huh.. wat a pity.. Oops.. I shldn't have carry on..who knows he will say F... to Azel. Just like wat he did to my Best friend Ain. Ain had been F... by him in my previous tag board(the old one). So, I better stop b4 he do the same to Azel.. And Azel and Mulyadi tagged first.. Anonymous Didnt READ again... Coz if he had read it, he will have a sense of shamefulness in him coz guys like Azel and Mulyadi respected my decision to study for degree but he Doesnt..
Mulyadi (he is now in Australia in RMIT studying for his degree) tagged: "Hey Maria. I agree with Azel. People will definately come up and write horrible stuff to hurt you but not to worry, you have gd friends who will stand by you. I also think its great that you want to continue with your degree. You will look back one day and think to yourself that you have chosen the right path."
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Title1: Friendster Testimonials (2)
P/S: If u missed my friends testimonials (1), fret not. Click Sept Archive and scroll down. The date is i think 5 or 6 Sept
5. Kakak Maya!!! Hihi!! Your cuzz here… hehe more like sisters… men… so long together.. we’ve been thru a lot of crap together it was fun while it lasted (u_u) now we like so far apart.the both of us had grown up so quickly that we had so little time for fun! I missed u dearly. I wished tat we could be like old times again!
U n ur stories, u love to write! Y dun u be a scriptwriter instead?? I really think tat ur stories had a good plot. But still, one thing bout u had never change. U r still the kind person I used to know since I was born. U r still so soft-hearted and generous (just like Jing Jing from Holland V) never asking for any returns for ur good deeds.
I’ve never met anyone who has a heart tatz as pure as yours. U r still a white piece of cloth. so If U BAKEMONO(s) OUT THERE EVER TRY TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HER, I’LL CASTRATE U & MAKE SURE THAT U’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO FIT A CONDOM EVER AGAIN. *wahahahaha*….
Woi if anione bully u muz tell mi hor. Dun just keep silent like u always did b4. Must make urself heard okay?? Call mi anytime, k?
Love u always
From: Nadiah (my cousin)
6.Well needless to say about Amymaria...She is always there when u need help.Someone whom u can count on.. Understanding and patient as u are always,u never fail to make everyone smile each day..One is lucky to have u as a friend...Always be cheerful & be a Bright gal as u have always been ! : )
From: Suresh
7. Amy Maria. Knew her during the System.Out.Println("I Hate Java\'s Syntaxes"); days.
Nice and friendly gal who was always helpful and approachable esp. to a person like me whom does really Last Minute prep for tests.
Always Great to be with and nice to talk too =)
From: Azel
Title 2: Amymimisux
Hmm.. I dun think I sux coz amymimi IS THE NAME OF MY BLOG NOT my NICKNAME.. My nickname is Amyria, Amy Maria so if U really HATED ME SO MUCH, then next time, if u wanna tag, use Amyriasux or Amymariasux. If u use Mariasux.. I have another blog user whose name is Maria Shazwani.. she constantly viewed my blog maybe becoz we have the same name? Or maybe we are of the same course? Or maybe both of us love watching Singapore Idol? Speaking of Singapore Idol, bila si Jerry ni nak keluar? Anyway, I dun want her to have a wrong idea if u use mariasux..
One more thing, if u wanna tag, can tag in english? Coz to be frank, after I left sec sch, I forget to malay.. Well, I speak Malay at home coz of my granddad n grandma. Sometimes, I speak Malay with a mixture of Eng to my mum. To my brother, mostly we speak to each other in English. My sis? I speak to her in Eng, she replied in Malay.. When I speak to her in Malay, she will reply in Malay..
So ur tag msg says "Jgn nak bermuka2" Hmm... I have a rough idea abt the meaning BUT I am pretty sure tat U R trying to tell people my "bad" side of life. Sure, go ahead. But y in Malay? those who viewed my blog could be non-Malays so, can rewrite ur tag msg again this time in English...
Hey, Shirin and Maria Shazwani tagged first ryt? Didnt U read it? Didnt u know tat they are ON my side and u r the odd one out! U still dun care whether or not a Singapore Idol Semi-finalist or finalist tagged. All u care abt is, to say nasty Shit abt me.. Oh well..
BTW, amymimisux... I DONT NEED YOUR SYMPATHY! I have my friends and others who sympathizes me. It is more than enuff.. I DUN NEED YOURS!
Lastly, I do not know if my new tag board will delete tag messages once it is full. In case it does, I am going to copy n paste the meaningful and advisable ones here.. Definitely not from this amymimisux.. Tag msgs from Shirin Hushairi and Maria Shazwani.. In random order.. Hope u gerls dun mind.
By Maria Shazwani.."hey....relax lah gerl..take a deep breath k...(she gives a sunny smile) and dun be too (she puts in a furious3 face) lah at urself.. no gd.. hee."
Shirin: "Believe in yourself and filter whatever others say. ;) Anyway, there are some who loves u and some who don't. That's just the way it is.. That's all i can say. take care."U take care too, Shirin! :) Thanks
Again by Maria Shazwani(I have to write her full name if not some gundhus will think its ME.. How can I give advise to myself?): " hey! how come u noe my full name seh..
(she puts 2thumbsup smilies) hehe eh link me ar...[ok..maria, i will link u to mine make sure u do too ok? :)] tu yg anonymous tu(Gerl, salah lah..bukan anonymous..amymimisux) just hammer them ar like this>> (a smash smilies was inserted)" [hey..thanks for smashing him up for me yah! ;) ]
Tmr, I'm going for a job interview.. *takes a deep breath* Friends, wish me luck k? *smiles*
Monday, October 11, 2004
I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO WRITE MY PERSONAL FAMILY LIFE HERE! BECAUSE SOME IDIOTS WHO ARE STILL A KID DUN KNOW WAT IS GOING ON IN MY FAMILY.. For those of u who are first timers to my blog, welcome and i know this entry when u read will make u cry. But I am now in school, I cant cry.. I held back my tears.
I AM ALREADY STRESS BECOZ OF WORK, STUDIES AND FAMILY PROBLEMS AND TAT PERSON WHO TAG IS ADDING MORE STRESS TO MY LIFE.. U LIKE IT IZZIT AH?! Btw, tag board messages ARE NOT MEANT FOR COMMENTS! It is meant to say "hi" or wateva messages.
Anyway, lets continue 15 October is my last day of work. B4 tat, I have applied for other jobs. No reply since then. This worries my Family. Ya lah..How to pay my degree fees? Well, I dun wanna quit but my mum wants me to coz she said, my pay is not suitable for a Diploma holder like me( soon, I will be an Advanced Diploma holder, my Advanced Diploma cert is in process). I had told her tat my job is a part time position and I have no relevant working experience so tat was y my pay is less than 1k.
Anyway, I have promised them tat I will pay my degree fees with my own salary. And if after 15 Oct, I cant find a job, my savings can only pay for 2.5 months. Then No More Money left. STRESS! DOES THE PERSON(btw, the person used the name "amymimisux") KNOWS TAT? NOPE, I DUN THINK SO COZ TAT PERSON IS NOT IN MY POSITION!
Whenever I tok abt Studies, My grandma scolded me and said: (I translate to English) "U study-study, jobs which u applied havent even call u for an interview. And u not worry abt tat.. All u care is Study, study!" And she will go on and on.. She kept saying I am woman, no need to study so high. She even "sindir" me saying, I want to study degree so that I can find a husband who do not want to work, coz he has a wife who is earning more becoz his wife has a degree.. Sigh.. who wants to marry those kind of guys?
For my Diploma and Advanced Diploma, my Granddad gave me the money to pay. Last time, I stayed with my grandparents at Clementi Avenue 3. In 2001, my granddad sold his house to stay with my mum at Clementi West St 2 becoz my granddad was sick, agile and aging. He needs someone to take care of him. My grandma is also as old as him, how to take care of him? Me? I am still young..
The money he got when selling the house is 200K. Yah.. 200K. Now left 168K. For my Diploma and Advanced Diploma, the total fees is $8,888 after rebate. Nice number huh. Where do I get the money from? my Granddad. He gave me 12.5K. B4 he gave me the money, he gave me a "pesanan". The "pesanan" is, "Atuk hanya boleh beri kau 12.5 ribu saja. Tak boleh beri lebih dari itu dan kau mesti janji yg kau kena pass."
So, for my degree, although my Granddad's account left 168K, I do not want to ask from him to help me pay my degree fees of 20plusK. I understand tat he is getting older n older by the day and he needs the money for his own expenses, esp, his medical expenses. Tats y I want to find my own way of paying my fees.
This is wat I am having STRESS ABT! AND SOME PPLE DUN EVEN HAVE THE SENSE OF SYMPATHY ABT MY LIFE, JUST SAY WATEVA HIS HEART WISH TO SAY! HEY! Imagine if u r in my position, will u feel the same? Oops, I dun think he will feel the same way as me coz tat person has no interest to pursue for higher studies.
Tat is another of my Family life. It is too PERSONAL BUT DIRIKU DICABAR. I WANT TAT PERSON TO KNOW TIS SO TAT HE WILL STOP! OK! PLZ STOP! STOP HAVING THE STUPID PERCEPTION U HAVE ABT ME!! I AM ALREADY HAVING STRESS!! DUN ADD MORE STRESS TO MY PROBLEMS!
U know.. I am thinking of suicide. Let me just vanish from this world. So my family will not have to think abt how to pay for my degree fees until my mum had white hair and my grandma had become thinner and thinner coz of much thinking. YAH.. I think the best way is to suicide. But I am a Muslim. Muslims are not supposed to say suicide is the only way to solve a problem.
I think the only way is 1) Quit my studies (although I dun want to but I have to), 2) Stop studying for while and when I am financially stable in my job, I will continue. 3) FIND a JOB a.s.a.p!
To answer the tag board message, tat amymimisux fellow thought i am upset coz of his perceptions abt me? Hello!! I AM UPSET COZ OF MY FAMILY LIFE
And like I have previously said, NO ONE CAN INTERFERE MY FAMILY LIFE UNLESS u wanna help me to settle the above problem. Other that tat, IT IS NONE OF YA BUSINESS AND DO NOT INTERFERE! WHETHER OR NOT I DRESS MCM ORG NAK GI PASAR, IZZIT YA PROBLEM? U WAN ME TO REBEL AGAINST MY GRANDMA AND WEAR LIKE WAT my idol always wear? KENA MAKI, KENA SEPAK NANTI! I know, TAT IS WAT U WANT RITE? SORRY, I CANT FULFIL TAT. I AM A FILIAL GRANDDAUGHTER, I listened and obeyed my grandma.
Shit! I am already LATE FOR CLASS!!
Friday, October 08, 2004
Some Pple just dun know MY Life! They only know me in a short time so tats y they DUN Know.. I am 20 coming to 21, of course I SHLD know how my life is. Those who know me longer WILL know! So wats up with tat person?!
Well, wat was this abt? Well, I received a tag msg: "Y dun u say tat all lyrics are abt u!" Tat person thinks I am "perasan"? Ya lah..coz i said Britney's lyrics are abt me.. Hey, i did write COINCIDES rite? Tat person blind or wat?
Anyway, I wld like to share with u my past 20plus years of my life.. And if u do really listen carefully to the lyrics, hey, it does describes me and I use the word "describe" NOT "suits". Describe n suits are two different words with different meanings..
My Life:
I am OVERPROTECTED
Read the lyrics of Britney Spears' Overprotected..and u will understand tat my life is as coincidence as the lyrics..
* I am getting sick n tired of my life been overly protected!! Argh!! I cant do this n tat.. I have to follow this n tat!! Sometimes, I envy my friends... when they reached 18, they went clubbing and discos for the first n last time to have the experience.. BUT ME? I cant... Hmm...i wonder how was it like to be at clubs and discos? Also, I cant be late by a few minutes.. if they told me to reach home at a certain time and i was late by slightly few minutes.. I'll receive a call!!!!
They want me to be like Siti Nurhaliza, the popular M'sian singer.. What? Be popular like her? Wahaha.. plz lah. others will not BE HAPPY. Why they want me to be like Siti Nurhaliza? Well, she dress sensibly(sometimes I do dress sensibly), dun like to take photos with guys if she is the only one girl. She dun care wat others say abt her,how she dressed, she just ignored them.
Hmm, I am doing wat Siti is doing(dun care wat other says abt how I dressed and wat pple say abt me) but abt other things, cant my family just let me be ME? Its my wish rite whether or not to take photos with guys when I am the only girl.. Is it a crime? Well, I can understand coz I am a Muslim.. As a Muslim girl, it is not nice if only one girl posing with a whole bunch of guys for a photo.. Look, there were other girls but they were just camera shy! But my Grandma still say, not good.. she said, "Mcm perempuan tak de maruah.Kalau perempuan tak nak gambar, kau jgn lah bergambar! Nanti kalau org yg kenal nampak kau, apa nanti dia akan kata? Mcm2 dia bleh kata: perempuan murahan lah, tak tau jaga diri, gatal lah.."(*Hmm..how to translate this to English?*)
I know they care abt me.. But they shld know tat I am already a grown up, I can take care of myself.. In fact, I assure them tat I will be fine.. However, they still think tat I am still Young n need more guided protection!! Sigh..
Well, I have neva had freedom anyway.. Neva allowed to go out with friends coz my Grandma DO NOT TRUST them. She said: "Who knows, they may stab u from the back?" Whenever, my friend called me thru my house number but I wasnt in, and they called my hp number. They called just to chit-chat.. When I got back home, I was bombarded with questions! My Grandma said there was a gal/boy called for u on the phone, and she asked who is she/he? When I just answered "friend", she wasnt happy.. She wants a specific answer!
So, I had to say the names of whoever called me and again, she will ask which friend?(Secondary, Informatics or others) and wateva is the reason they called me?! I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!*
* I may look cheerful...lively..friendly.... But u will neva knw wat is missing in my life.. Sometimes i cry n when I think of it... alone at nite in my room.. Although I shared a room with my grandma, she didnt knw I cried coz I cried silently in my heart.... But only my close friends will knw..why i always cry.. *
The lyrics in bold coincides with my life.
Anyway, to those pple Out there!(yg tak senang dgn cara aku) This is how I WANNA LIVE MY LIFE.. WHETHER OR NOT U ARE HAPPY OR UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT, plz dun poke ur noses to my affairs..ok?! I dun care U wanna say abt me. Only my family can have a say coz THEY ARE MY FAMILY AND NOT OUTSIDERS! I lead my OWN LIFE! So just bug off! If u all still think I am "perasan" tat Britney's lyrics is abt me, GASAKLAH. CANT BE BOTHER anymore! I have Betta things to do!*
Lastly, I know who is the person who tag me saying: "Oh plz..kau tu mmg selenger.. lembab... apa2 lagu pun suits kau!" (Oh plz..u r a blur n slow,watever songs also suits u!). I shall not mention the name here.. How do I know? Well, the way the person wrote 'that' in short form is 'tt',and i had received a bombard smses from that person b4 and the person did mention tat I am (slow)... So, the person must be sumone I know..
Anyway, Tat person OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED by saying I am blur n slow.. HELLO.. IF I AM BLUR N SLOW, I WLD'NT HAVE TAKEN DEGREE.. STUDY UNTIL ADVANCED DIPLOMA, I STOPPED KNOWING TAT I AM SLOW AND CANT CATCH UP! Y DO I CONTINUE? COZ.. WHEN I SAY I WANNA HAVE A UNIVERSITY DEGREE, I WILL MAKE SURE I GO FOR IT AND ALSO, I DUN THINK I AM SLOW LIKE WAT TAT PERSON HAD SAID..
And didnt the person know tat it might be insulting to others who viewed my blog? Who knows, those who viewed my blog are university degree students as well? They will have the thinking tat person has the perception tat those who are pursuing degree are al blur and slow. Plz lah, if u wanna insult or criticize me, can u think abt other pple? They may get insulted as well ok?!
Andy Joshua Lim, Shirin Hushairi are taking degree thru distant-learning.. If tat person had tat perception I'd just mentioned, its like tat person has no respect for the idols semi-finalist who are pursuing for a higher education..
PLZ..HAVE U HAD ENUFF? First I remember there was a tag saying: "Maria, nak join singapore idol..confirm hujan lebatnya! Oh plz jgn nak berangan..suara mcm katak!" I know it MUST BE the SAME person.. Whether or not, I wanna join singapore idol or any singing competition, is my wish rite? And since young, I Love singing.. So Y cant I sing?! In fact, my whole family LOVES to sing! My mum, me, my younger brother and my younger sister Loves singing.. So wats up with tat?
Tat person said to stop my imagination? Wat imagination? Everybody can and knows how to sing, it just a matter of voice nice or sucks.. I dun know whether my voice is nice or sucks.. let the EXPERTS COMMENT..NOT TAT PERSON..TAT PERSON IS NOT AN EXPERT..IF TAT PERSON IS AN EXPERT..TAT PERSON CAN BE THE FIFTH JUDGE FOR SINGAPORE IDOL!
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Ever wonder how high the qualifications of ALL Singapore Idols Top 30 and Final 12? Well, certainly not just O level standard.. ALL of them have higher standard thanO level..
C'mon, some of u may know some of the idols occupations(before they join SingaporeIdol).. those occupations are not meant for O levels graduates.. higher than tat..
Anyway, majority of the idols are A level n above standard.. I am not too sure if there are ITE graduates... Maybe there are (Top 100 down to Top 75 then down to Top 45) But for Top 30, ALL of them are A Levels, Polytechnics, distant-learning university undergrad(like me) and private student(also me).
Haizad, he is a nurse. To be a nurse, one needs to have Diploma in Nursing from Nanyang Poly.. Taufik, his highest qualification is Singapore Poly.. Christopher Michael Lee aka Chrisypoo was from ACJC(Anglo-Chinese JC), Daphne Khoo, first year Ngee Ann Poly. Candice Foo who withdrew is a final year Mass Communications Ngee Ann Poly student.
David Yeoh, NUS Law undergrad, David De Cruz, Ayu,my friend who is a student of Nanyang Poly ALWAYS MEET David De Cruz EVERYDAY.. Andy Joshua Lim, he is pursuing his degree from RMIT University thru distant learning.. so is Shirin Hushairi.. (maybe both of them are in the same course haha)
Speaking of Shirin Hushairi, she had reply!! Remember I asked her a question on 5 October? Yup,she replied but she didnt tell me her specific address..she only tell me the place and she gave me her mum's hp number and i will pass her mum's no to my mum.. Let our mums do the toking.. hehe
Hmm.. not bad ah.. I think.. I can also join for the next Singapore Idol hehehe.. Cause I am in the same/almost same standard as most of them.. (",)
Later, at WESSC, I will watched the Round 2 of the Finals.. This time is Confirm Jerry will be out. Who is the other one joining him? Tat I am not sure.. coz ...
I CANT WATCH TMR!!! Hope, my dearly friends can SMS me just like last week..but it will not be the same as watching it LIVE!! Argh!Why didnt the spectaculars on Wednesdays and results on Thursdays? I am FREE on these2 days!!
NOTE: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO Jerry Ong, the Singapore Idol Finalist.. Sorry Jerry, tmr wont be a wonderful belated bday present for u.. :$
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
ACCOUNTS is KILLING ME!!! I am STRUGGLING!!! What is Profit and Loss account? What is Balance Sheet?! How to balance an account? Some accounting terms like: Depreciation ... ??? Accrual??? Bad Debt and Doubtful Debt??? How to know if it is a Fixeds Assets or Current Assets?? Trial balance.. is the only term I know..
ITS ALL JTSS PRINCIPAL'S FAULT!! HE DIDNT WANT NORMAL ACADEMIC STREAM TO STUDY ACCOUNTS.. SEE.. NOW I AM STRUGGLING!!!
I told my mum tat Shirin's parents sent their regards to her last nite. She was surprised.. She thought I met her up or something.. I told her tat Shirin happen to drop by my website.. She was puzzled.. Again she asked, "How did she know your website?" Nvm.. pple who are non-IT savvy like my mum just wont understand.. :D Anyway, my mum was surprised tat Shirin's parents can still remember her.
And to those of u who may be wondering.. how can my mum be very sure tat Shirin Hushairi is the daughter of her friend? Cause there are a lot of Hushairis.. Well,my mum said: Shirin's eyes looks like her dad and her face including her smile looks like her mum.. So, my mum IS VERY SURE Shirin is her friend, Hushairi's daughter.
Anyway, to Shirin(if u r reading this, her friends and brother, pass her this msg).. My mum wld like to know where do your family now stay? I know u cant tag at my msg board ya add.. Other Idol freaks who voted for u in Group 2 n Wildcard show will "charge" at ya house.. Hmm, hw ah? My mum wld really like to know.. U know keep in touch with old friends again?
Got it!! I did include my contact details, ryt? Maybe u or ya brother can email me where u're staying now.. Hope my mum gets wat she hoped for.. :)
NOTE: HAPPY BIRTHDAY FADHIL!!!
Monday, October 04, 2004
SHIRIN Hushairi gave me a tag on my tag board!! She said I am a funny gerl.. Haha... *I guess so* Anyway, Shirin(if u r reading this), thanks for dropping by my site and I will send your parents' regards to my mum.. Great thing, they still remember.. :D
Sunday, October 03, 2004
I missed my blog! It has been only a few days since I last posted an entry in my blog. But as they say: "Absence makes the heart grow fonder". This is still my blog, a place where I can be myself and so what if others don't like what they see. This is my own...this is where I can talk about myself more.
When some sad thing tat I am experiencing,I tend to do silly things to cheer me up,WITHOUT knowing the consequences..
I used to have many frens.. or rather HAD many frens, who were like very close to me for a period of time.. and afterwhich, we juz drifted apart, for no apparent or obvious reason. Probably the other person's bored with me, or i was unconciously bored the other person.
Our conversations juz became less often, and finally.. we do not tok to each other at all.. and we ended up pretending tat we dunno each other even though we bump into each other in school or outside. Wad was with me at tat time? Was it my own emotional barrier which i cannot overcome..?
I think I had realised tat too..I realised that the more a person means to you, the more you would feel awkward and shy.. I realised this long ago thanks to my non-existent guts... and that sucks big time.
I was like dying to tok and be frenly with someone, someone I know since sec sch but because he means quite alot to me at tat time, i ended up stumbling over my words and not being able to even looked up. I juz simply care too much....
I dun seem that kind of shy girl..but well.. I am. I can tok, luff with my buddies(who neva finds me boring) but i cant tok coherently in front of a guy I have a crush on.. (unless is like.. a classmate or buddy like fadhil, Suresh,Nazrul, Firdaus)
This is especially when tat guy is charming.. haha.. its as though I am trying hard to not fall for his charm whatsoever. I am always trying to be careful all the time.. even when guys like me, i am super cautious.. (thus not having any relationships) this is becuz i dun wan a scenario where after i like this guy, and he knows it, and rejects me terribly, OR, whereafter i agreed to start a relationship, he says something like, "huh?! u really think i wan you ah? HAHAHA!! pls la.. go look at urself..blah blah" ok tats exaggerated.. but there ARE such guys, and i know of some.
Probably all stems down to myself confidence and shyness...anyone selling their guts? I need some good strong ones.. =( Err..probably juz some advice will do..
Anyway, an update abt Singapore Idol.. WAT THE . . . .? Jerry is IN again?! He knocked out Jessea?! I mean, it wasnt his fault.. I know. Its those Singaporeans who voted for him! HELLO?! WATS WRONG WITH U PPLE? JUST BECAUSE JESSEA ISNT A SINGAPOREAN, SHE WAS BORN IN CANADA, so she SHLD BE OUT?! So wat, if she isnt Singaporean? Jasmine Trivias, American Idol 3 Finalist, she isnt an American, she was born in Philippines BUT the Americans ARE BEING FAIR not to vote her OUT of the FIRST round of the finals.. Singaporeans.. plz BE FAIR..