Sunday, December 24, 2006
Before reading this, please read da related entries.. this is sumhow continuation.
Related entries:
Why Am I? and so wat if I cant cook.
P/S: U got to read those related entries before reading this if not, u wont understand da message I am conveying in here. Thanks.
This is an abstract frm my email to Alice (my penpal frm M'sia).
Hi Alice,
Do u remember abt me having a step father? My mum and my dad divorced when I was only almost 4 years old. I didnt knw anything abt y they divorced. Only when I grew up, I tend to knw little by little. My dad was a drug addict. I still see my dad now. He now lives nearby. I tried not to past tat particular block. Although he is not a drug addict anymore, he still drinks..
K, now back to topic. Let me tell u y I am determined to study as high as I am able to. I am doing all tis becoz of my dad , whose reputation has been tarnished.. Pple look down on drug addicts.. and if those drug addicts have children.. there are sayings like, "Bapa Borek, Anak Rintik" (Like father, like son/daughter) BUT I AM DOIN ALL THIS TO PROOF THEM WRONG! Besides I am a girl.. According to da Malay marriage law...once a couple decides to divorce and if they have any children..da father will get da custody of da daughter & da mother will get da custody of da son. I shld be in my father's custody.. BUT MY MUM FOUGHT FOR ME!! SHE TOLD DA COURT... sumthing like, "are u out of ur mind.. he's a drug addict plus alcoholic.. u want my daughter to suffer?" and YES! my mum won da custody of me.
Alice, I simply cannot imagine wat will happen to me if I were to be in da custody of my dad.. Definitely I wont b da Maria all my friends knw.. This is wat i call GOD's Fate.. Thank God for it. So, to explain y I am where I am now >> Study n study n graduate.. so they can SHUT UP. My mum had told me to just stop studying after Diploma.. but I find it no use...
If i study till Diploma in local poly having a father like tat, I will have da perception tat other pple will say, "No big deal.. other pple who is not a drug addict also has a daughter/son who is Diploma graduate." So I studied degree & if I were to graduate successfully,& coincidently they happened 2knw.. they will be whispering among themselves or said silently in their heart: "Tak sangka eh.. bapanya penagih but anaknya lulusan degree."
So, i wanna open their eyes.. I will make sure I pass n cleared all my papers and get my: Bachelor of Business Administration in Marketing from University of Wales, United Kingdom by 2008. After that, they eventually shut up.
My grandma herself kept telling me not to tarnish my dad's name. My dad's name is already tarnish coz everyone knws his past. She kept telling me if I have a boyfriend, bring him home, dun go out here n there unnecessarily & den 9 months later pregnant.. everyone will say, if father drug addict, daughter bitch la.. She kept telling me even if I have no boyfriend, and wanna go out, dun stay out too late.. she said tak manis anak dara balik mlm n everyone will say, father drug addict, daughter very wild.
Tats basically one of my reasons of y I want to study till degree level. But y is it both my mum n grandma cant understand? Instead, they put da blame on me.. they said I am wasting time & money.. Sigh.. Yet, my grandma always hurled these words at me, "Degil! Dah ckp jgn blajar masih nak blajar. Nak kasi jantan2 tu semua senang ke?!" (Stubborn, had told u upteen times NOT to study any further. U wan da guys out there to have a better life is it?)
She thinks da reason I am pursuing degree is tat if I were to get married in da future, my so call husband dun need 2work.. WHO WILL BE SO STUPID TO HAVE A HUSBAND LIKE TAT?!!! Wanna knw wat I said 2her? "Tak mau kahwin! Biar andartu lagi senang!" (Who wants to marry? I rather be a spinster!)
Anura pernah mengatakan yg mulutku masin, so watever I said will jadi nye! Its OK as I am already used 2it for a long period of time, so I'll juz tolerate wif her grumblings and nagging.
Tis email / entry will continue..I will let u (Alice) knw / blog abt y i insist NOT to marry. I am bloody serious..
Yes, I am dead serious. This entry will continue. I did email to Alice on y I dun intend to marry. I also emailed da same to Faridah, my best friend since Sec 1. However, I do agree with both of them. I lead my own life. GOD Fate my LIFE. So I will just have to accept GOD's fate.
