For now, I would want to be just friends with A. I tak sampai hati to tell him that I want to be friends first with him because I still believe that he has a looonnngg way to go - not mature yet. Same goes with me..

His parents and A's sister, understands and they do not mind. However, they know A inside out. When he wants to be with somebody, he wants to be with that somebody.. No one can tell him no or no one can tell him to forget and leave.

His family understands that if there is jodoh, there will be.. but A didn't. A insisted to doa to Allah for the jodoh. I can't blame him. He was diagnose with a high fever at the age of 10 or 11 and till now, he has the mentality of a kid = immature.

His family often told me that if A were to mention marriage - just ignore - he does not know what the heck he was talking abt. So, if there is no jodoh, they understand.. Haiz.. But will A understands?

A's mum already treated me like her daughter. Well, since her own daughter likes to go overseas, so even if I am not fated to be her daughter-in-law, she still treats me as her own daughter. That's nice.

Anyway, I'll leave it to Takdir. It is up to Him. Allah knows best. We will plan but he will fate it. Just leave everything to him, as for now I am just being friends with A. I know A is not treating me as a friend... He treats me more... Hmm...

Amyria pours her heart out @ 10:52 pm   |

If I did not withdraw my resignation, today will be my last day. Yes, I did tendered on 21 August 2009. It was a harsh, haste and impulsive decision.

When the GM asked me why I tender, I kept silence and suddenly I broke down. I confessed everything to her. Yes, I confess. I told her that I wrote in my blog abt someone in the office and that someone does not seem happy. GM asked me what did I do till trigger the someone to get angry..

I replied that I called her names in my blog and I "slander" her in a way. Why did I type slander as "slander." Well, in her opinion, I am "slandering" her but I know for sure that I am right. She is just defending herself. Well, that's fine. Continue further, I told GM that almost everyday during lunch time, I gossip abt this someone and I wrote it all in my blog. GM told me that it is okay to gossip... well, everyone does but she asked me, "why do u have to publicise it in ur blog?"

Yeah, I know.. That's MY mistake. And I really hope I won't repeat it again. I told the GM that she started making me angry and though I have confided with my lunch buddies, they can't do much. I did also inform my supervisor abt it but u know... the anger is still there and hence the existence of the June 13 entry of my blog.

GM asked me when did I write the entry. I honestly told her that it was on 13 June and I know my blog, I know what I write in the blog. I didn't mention any names in that blog.. however, the person knows that I am referring to her. On Mon, 17 August.. something happen at work and she suspect I was the cause of it, and after much discussion with her family member, she decided to confront me on that day itself.

I did not want to write much but this is what I want to say to her (if I have the guts la - I am NOT very outspoken) if she ever ask me - U sure u didn't implicate me regarding ur resignation - again:

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:

I admit that I am the start of the problem. But if u are smart enuff, u should know u are the root to the problem! Why? Let me analyze to u one by one.

If u didn't make me angry, or provoke me or whatever, will I be writing it in my blog? Of coz, the answer will be no. As u know a blog is like a diary. So it is something personal for me but with a twist, the blog can be publicized and let known to the whole wide world/web. That's my mistake for announcing it proudly abt my daily rants.

So, now.. let me continue... since u provoke me and thus triggered me to write that kind of content in my blog, and one fine day, u found out and read it... definitely u will be very angry. However, why didn't u confront me there and then... Why have to wait 2 months? Is there any motive? That, I don't know.

Now, let me tell u why ur name is being implicated and why u're to be blame for my resignation. Like I've mentioned above, smart pple will say that the root of the problem is u NOT me, though I am the one starting it.

First, after u read that entry of mine... u got angry but u waited 2 months to confront me.

Second, u make a huge fuss regarding this. I can swear NO NAMES ARE MENTION but u told my close colleagues that I mention their names (as in write their names in my blog)! And what was their reaction? FYI, those pple are mature thinkers unlike u and me - at least I admit that I am still immature. So mature pple do not want to get involve in these childish nonsense. So I got the blame for everything. They shouted at me, scolding me, threatening me, do not want to believe me even I have swear to them that I didn't mention their name (I know my blog, I know what I write) & never talk to me. Hence, I got no one else to turn to except to my outside friends whom have read my blog and they said this, "itulah kau... pandai sangat kan... lain kali nak cari pasal...cari pasal dgn org2 mcm kita...jgn cari pasal dgn minah.. kan kau da susah..Minahs.. I tell u..... kecoh."

Thirdly, from the day u've confronted me, u have been talking on the phone with either a family member or ur close friends relating to them abt this and u kept mentioning, "I must tell this to the management etc etc.." "I will tell this to the management blah blah blah..." "I have to let the management know abt this. . . " Do u know that when u were saying all those above, u were disturbing my peace at work? I have lost concentration. Furthermore, u mention 'management.' I panicked! I got scared! I have no choice. In my mind I was thinking of this, "its best that I resign before she makes the fuss to the management. If I resign, sounds better than getting sacked".

Yeah, I know.. That was so stupid of me. Management will not be so stupid to sack me due to a stupid problem. Smart pple told me that this is actually a small problem but u make it big.

Anyway, like I mentioned in the prev para.. I resigned and on Tues 25 August, I took back my resignation letter. U wanna know why?

1) My lunch buddies told me not to resign due to this stupid thing. Just don't do it again, in future. They have forgiven me and they apologized if they were harsh on me that day. I don't blame them.

2) Our supervisor did not want me to resign. This is what she said to me, "I rather transfer her out than to let u leave. Furthermore, u are the breadwinner leh.. "

3) Yup it's true. I have to support 3 pple - my grandmother, my mother and my dad. Though my stepdad is working, he did not give my mum any $$; he told her, "anak awak kan da kerja.. mintak dia." I have to give to my grandmother because she took care of me, she washed my clothes, she cooked for me and all the other things she did the extra mile for me. Lastly, I have to give to my dad. Though he and my mum are already divorce but I can never just forget abt him. If he didn't marry my mum, will I be here in this world?

Let's get back to point 2. Our supervisor asked me the reason why I resign. Before I could answer, she snapped, "is it because of her?" See... Though I never told to anyone abt this.. never share with anyone but smart pple knows that the problem is caused by u. Created by me but caused by u.. When she asked me that... I can't deny anymore... I told her everything... and she wants me to withdraw my resignation.

I went to see the GM and told her that I want to take back my notice of resignation. GM expected that I will sure look for her again to take back the letter. GM advise me to be more mindful with words, to grow up and control my emotions. I broke down in tears when GM told me this, "Most importantly, do not dissappoint ur grandmother." Furthermore, she told me that the decision lies in the hands of the director. However, GM wants to speak to our supervisor abt this and asked her if she wants me to stay.

Definitely our supervisor wants me to stay. Read what she said to me at no. 2) So I guess she could be the one telling to the GM that I am the start of the problem but u cause the problem and thats why I resign. Maybe - That's just my assumption.

I remembered u told me that the problem (settle already) is personal between u, me and a family member of urs and why campur aduk with office.. I understand. I never campur aduk but do u realize u're the one who bring personal matters to office. If u didn't pick up the phone and call whoever and talk abt this or said, "I want to bring this up to the management.." I would not have resign. I do not want to know whether u indeed wanna bring it up to the management or u were just scaring me but whatever it is, I can't stand it, no one to turn to, I resigned.

So when GM spoke to the director abt it, instead of giving his decision on my case, he called u and our supervisor in to his room and the moment both of u stepped in, he pointed at u and said, "this is all ur fault that MBS resign. No more nonsense from u within 1 month else, u will be fired."

And now u are blaming me for it. I am sure u have been discussing to a few pple that I am backstabbing u in a way. U regretted not telling it to the management and couldn't accept the fact that I went ahead of u. (complain to management) I am not. If u're smart, u should know the problem is caused by u. Perkara kecik and da lama pun... u go and besar-besarkan... so who's fault was it?

Last but not least... I hope we can work together in peace after ur one month is up. I have swear and promised I won't start again. I want to constrain my blogging habits from now on. As for myself, director has not given a green light as to whether he can accept me back or not. Since he has not given any YES or no, I will still be working and will work hard and InsyaAllah, one day director will accept me back.

Thank you.

Amyria pours her heart out @ 7:59 pm   |