Friday, October 03, 2008
Well... surprisingly... I didnt even asked him but I received an sms: "One day I nak jumpa ur grandmother..." Both of u have to be tolerant with nenek whatever she does / says nasty to u all. Just smile & respect her. Just continue dating him. But make sure he keeps his promise to u, not to change his mind / hurt ur feelings. Whenever / Whatever etc etc both of u may face any difficulties in ur life, better solve them slowly on ur own - not depend on others for help but u are welcome to ask for advice. In order to prove nenek that both of u do better than she expects.
I couldnt believe what I've read! I called him for assurance if he is really serious. He is indeed serious! He revealed that he really likes me and would like me to be his girlfriend. He does not mind the age gap. FYI, I too has begun to have feelings for him coz I felt comfortable with our meets. Further to that info, he is more matured than me, which I can say I'm suprised!
*Now I understand why almost every day without fail, he would fetch me from work! Sampai the whole office of ECSF dah kenal dgn muka dia! *slaps forehead* SMA, my colleague initiated to me that if he were to treat me like a friend, he would not have to fetch me everyday from work! Dah lain cerita ni.. So now I know why.*
But... I have a problem.
Well, the friendship with A has been progressing so far and we almost shared some intimate moments after our breaking our fast. Not to worry, those intimate moments were just sitting close to each other.
Like I'd mentioned, he revealed that he really likes me and would like me to be his girlfriend but not now la as he cant commit if he's working under contract basis - earning little $$. He wants to stay as very close friends with me.
I can accept him after he is really committed to it but I have to deal with one problem: My grandmother. I braved myself up to inform this to my grandmother (so it is easier for me to tell her where I'm going and with who - who knows I may run out of ideas on what "white lies" to tell her) that I got to know A who wants to befriend me. Honestly, I told her he is my best friend's brother and he is younger than me.
Guess what she told me? "Kawan gitu-gitu saja boleh. Jgn kawan rapat. Dia tu muda pangkat adik. Kau tu pangkat kakak." (Just friends only can.. Dont be too close or too serious.. He's younger than U, he's like a small brother to U and U're like a big sister to him) Do u know what does that mean? This clearly explains that she will eventually objects to it (It can be referred as friendship or the future relationship.)
I broke the news to him and he was disappointed. FYI, he had informed both his mum & step dad that he got to know me and his mum and step dad wants to meet up with me! Oh before I continue, let me get this clear first. Though his sister is best friend, I have never met her mum & step dad before. I've only met their father. So since the mum & step dad wants to meet me, eventually one day, my best friend will know. I know for sure his family will not mind. And I also know my best friend will not mind.. (just read the chats I've with her via Facebook - u will know)
My family? I related the same to my mother and sister. Both of them seem OK. My mother mentioned, "even our prophet Nabi Muhammad married woman older than him." So OK. I will not have to worry much as my mother will definitely have no objections in future.
But NOT for my grandmother. She insisted that I severe the friendship. She said to me that I am much older than the guy. I tried explaining to her that the guy doesnt mind but she is as stubborn as an ox (That's why I follow after her: I am also very stubborn *smiles*) said to me that, "For now.. he doesnt mind but in future, he will mind and go look for someone younger."
I coax her into saying, "what if Allah has fated me to be with him." (before I continued, my grandmother kept pacing up and down and 'reminding' me that woman must be younger than the man).
This is what she said, "We can run away from fate. It does not mean that we have to accept the fate." Again, I told her that his mum married a man younger than her. My grandmother does not seem to give up. She answered, "His mum is a divorcee so its different story. U're not a divorcee yet, u're young and unmarried etc etc.."
Like I've said, I took after my grandmother so I am also degil and told her that even our prophet married a woman older than him. Guess what? She replied that we cant necessary follow the footsteps of our prophet. His is a different story. (There my grandmother goes again.. pacing up and down "bashing and hitting" at me that woman must be younger than the man because women tend to aged faster )
So I relate everything to A and he seems disappointed. Before he replied, he said sorry to me coz he has to say this: My grandmother is old fashioned. Guess what? He is determined to meet my grandmother and explained that he really likes me and if there is "jodoh" for us to be together, so be it. Yes, he is determined to do so but not now as he is working on a contract basis - not earning much $$. As soon as he secures a permanent job, he will do so.
Furthermore, I didnt tell him that my grandmother has the thinking that A wants to befriend me becoz I have more $$ than him. If I were to tell him that, he will get offended. FYI, when we went out, we went dutch. I didnt expect him to pay and he didnt expect me to pay too. We went dutch. In addition to that, he befriended me not because of $$. He has never once ask me for $$. Not like some other guys I've met..
If I were to tell to my grandmother that I'd met some men older than me before but I ran away from them because of these 3 things (will list down later), she will freak out!
1) they ask for sex
2) they ask for $
3) they hinting at me to give them $$ in future (u know I'm already a graduate - some of them know and only 1 of them kept saying, "Woah.. graduate already... can find better job with higher pay.." What does that mean? It clearly means that he is only after MY $$!)
Yeah.. She will of coz freak out! She already MELENTING when I informed her abt A being younger than me and wants to befriend me, definitely she will freak out even more upon knowing I happen to meet those types of men who asked for those 2 things from me before..
Anyway, A assured me that he will work hard. Coz I told him that I will only be friends with him if he kerja rajin (my father who lazy to work and depends on my mother!) and I will only be friends with him if he treats me well and tak menengking (my stepfather always tengking at my mother! like no respect like that!) He assured me that he's not that kind of person. Do I believe him? Well, maybe.
I know I should not have inform this to my grandmother yet. But its a good thing, I did. We're just friends and she already has objections.. What if we're in relationship in future, wont it make the matter worst?
Advice from FMA:
Hey! Who asked u to talk to ur grandma like that? U sound impatient! U shld wait for 1 mth or so then u can talk to her abt it. Nvm its too late but its ok.
I suggest that u can be patient and explain clearly to nenek slowly, even if she is stubborn to listen becoz she is quite sensitive due to her age.
U can ask her why she prefers older men for u. Its ur choice to have younger bf or not. She shld respect ur choice. If she wants older man for u and anything happens to u, she shld be responsible and will regret always. Which one is impt for u? Ur nenek or ur happiness? U have longer life unlike ur nenek (sorry).
If she does not believe that Prophet Muhammad married older women, what for she follows Islam way? Ask her to think carefully why ur mom is divorced and remarried again. If she still didnt believe, u have some confidence / courage to face in reality by bringing him to see ur family.
Its true age is not an issue here, as for ur nenek she's been protective only, remember this jodoh semua di tangan Tuhan, dia lebih tua ker, lebih muda ker itu semua sudah di tulis, as for now, kawan aje then u see how it goes, certain things kalau u tau ur nenek melenting, no need to share with her so much only share with those that understand u better, at the end of the day this is ur feelings concern, asalkan jalan u betul InsyaAllah everything will be OK and tidak bertentangan dgn ajaran Islam, should be alrite...
