Monday, August 13, 2007
// If any guy out there wanna get to me, he must know a few things like cooking and family matters. The same goes to me, if I wanna know a guy out there, I have to be truthful to him and reveal it. And it will be up to him to accept it or not. I don't and won't force him. //
My email reply (this is in reply to his introduction, which I feel that it is rather inappropriate to post it in my blog - Well, certain information are meant to be personal) to him:
Hi XXXXXX,
Well, just wanna let you know that I have bump into you for a quite a number of times before - sometimes even face to face. Just that I did not have the courage to approach you or said 'hi.'. Like what you mention, 'its just humans'.
I should share something with you. Well, I do not like to beat around the bush. I have to share some bits and pieces of myself to anyone who is willing to know about me or even share a listening ear.
I have a very complicated family matters. Sometimes I cried alone in the middle of the night brooding over the matters. Well, there are just alot of family matters to share about and I am unsure of how to summarize it. Well, the only thing that I can say is, I have a drug addict father who also drinks, a grandmother, my mother, my step dad and my step siblings. My grandfather passed away about 9 months ago..
To be honest with you, I dislike doing housework. Normal washing like washing the clothes or washing the dishes is acceptable but if cleaning the whole house, I do not like it. I know, every house must be clean and neat, I want to have a nice and neat home too. The fact is, I am just plain lazy. I can clean up the house but I will mess it again in the next few hours. So I always said this, "Whats the point of cleaning the house when you are going to mess it still."
This applies to my office desk. If my desk is simply too neat, I cannot do my work. I can only do my work if my work area is very messy. My colleagues have always tegur me about this but I put on a deaf ear because I know that I cannot concentrate with my work if my working area is very neat and tidy.
Next, I do not know how to cook. Every guy would love his gal to cook a dish or two for him but I have to disappoint any guy out there when it comes to cooking because I really cannot cook. The mention of 'cooking' simply freaks me out, I will feel numbness and shakiness in my hands.
There was once a very humiliating incident. I was doing some voluntering work at a student centre and it was during a school holiday and the volunteers had decided to organize a camp for the students. A few volunteers were in charge of F & B. Definitely not me. However, because they were short-handed, they asked me to help. I was reluctant at first but because I did not want to let them know that I don't do any cooking, I agree.
I could not even hold a knife properly. So instead of using the knife, I tried to use a pair of scissors to kopek the sengkuang. It was hard with a pair of scissors. I tried to use the knife again but it was just too awkward for me so I was left with no other option. I stood up and rush to the wash room and washed both my hands including the fingers. Then I continue with what I was doing, which was peeling the skin using my fingernails.. I know it looked kinda dirty even though I have wash my hands however I am the type of person who dislike rejecting people if they were to approach me for help, somehow or rather I have to help them in any way I can.
That was the most humiliating moment. The news had reached to my family members and it caused quite a stir.
Love. Yes, I had been in love and I had fallen out of love too. Like you, I really show my love, caress and concern to him. Only to find out that HE WAS ONLY TOYING with my feelings. He cuma setakat melayan kan saje. . I HATE GUYS of that KIND! Thats why since then, I began to hate guys. I pitied my guy friends, those I known since sec sch. They do not know what the hell was going on but I kept hurling and scolding them like nobody business. At that moment in time, my thought was, "All guys are the same."
XXXXXX, Just want to inform you that if you ever met a girl and if you like her, tell her truly. Kalau suka katakan suka, jangan mengoda. Kalau tak suka, berterus terang dan jangan lead her on or give her false hope because you may ended up hurting her. You may not know the pain and hurt she went through. Trust me, the pain and hurt is simply unbearable for gals to handle. Believe me, I have experienced it. And I do not wish to experience the same thing again. As what they say once bitten twice shy but for my case, it is twice bitten thrice shy. That's why I am now being very careful when guys come and approach me to be friends or be more than just that.
Furthermore, I do not understand WHY guys love to goda gals? What's the purpose?! To entertain their lust? To satisfy their "fun"? In my opinion, guys who like to goda girls and give false hope to girls are pathetic jerks! FYI, because of that, I somehow have no more trust in guys. Hate them.
Well, that's basically what I believe you may need to know about me. What's my goals in life? Well, if I do not find anyone who does not mind the fact that I cannot cook, doing the housework - I can compromise and try not to be lazy - by the time I reached 35, then I shall get my own home. Adopt maybe 3 cats so as not to feel lonely alone at home.
Mr Right? I will leave it to God to decide the fate for me. Kita merancang, Tuhan yang menentukan. Thanks for the advice, I will heed your advice. :)
Cheers,
Maria
P/S: XXXXXX, Sorry if any of the contents in this email sounds rather harsh. :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There is a reply but *deleted* as requested. :)
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A few days after this email, met him and I did brace myself to say hi to him. I did and full stop. After saying hi, we just smiled and exchange a few words and thats it.
Where do I meet him? Or how do we get to know each other? Both of us are working in the same vicinity >> Raffles Place. But how do we get to know each other? That's for me to know and for you to find out.
