Coincidently, I am listening to Mariah Carey's We Belong Together.. *smilez*

Like wat I have assured to my readers.. there will be a continuation for my entry dated 27th August 2006 - plz read at da 3rd last para.

Here is da substantial conversation between me and B which I left out for da entry dated August 15.. Tis piece of conversation was b4 da heated argument and it was also b4 National Day eve.. Let's say it is aft da 29 July outing..

B: May I knw, wat do u think of me?
Me: (was taken aback) huh?
B: Err, ya..wat do u think of me?
Me: Ok lor.. U r fun, entertaining, concern, caring, err..loving, kind and have good personality..

Den, I looked at him.. Without asking him of da same ...
B: Ic.. Now let me tell u wat i think of u ..
Me: ok (eager to find out, wat exactly he thinks of me.. was it gonna be sumthing good or bad)
B: Pretty smile, sweet voice, good personality, loving, kind, humble, caring, hardworking, responsible, generous and never like to give up halfway when do things..Me: B, before u continue. I wld like to clarify things with u. (B was looking at me in surprised)
Me: Did u notice da expression on J's face whenever u tend to be very close to me?
B: no
Me: No? Den did u observe how she react when u told PW u want to get to knw me? Like was she acting strangely or kept bugging u with questions like why or how?

B: no leh..
Me: U really didnt even notice or observe anything strange abt her at all?!
B: (shake head in bewilderment)
Me: (shake head in despair)

B: Wat makes u say tat?
Me: J is indeed friendly with me. We joke, we chat and we share a little personal things between us.
Me: There was once in MSN she asked me tis question "Do u have any feel towards B? Coz i find u and him very close with each other. Sorry if tis question is too sensitive for u to ans."

Me: And I replied to her, "No. Its ok. Tis is not a sensitive question. I have no feelings towards B. Maybe we r close due to da topics we always chat abt."
(When I said tis to B, he was appalled to hear my ans. Maybe he didnt expect me to ans J tat way. I assumed he muz be feeling kinda bitter with me telling J tat I have no feeling towards B. I noticed da expression on his face)

Me: Da moment when J asked me tat, I knw sumthing is not rite. J maybe hiding sumthing frm da both of us. As a lady, I sense J might have a liking towards u. If she didnt, she cldnt possibly ask me tat. PW didnt ask me tat. Some other colleagues who knw we r now very close didnt even ask me tat. But y only her?

Me: So wat do u think? Y r u keeping urself silence? Do u have anything else to say?
B: I am thinking of da ans u gave to J.
B: Is it really true u have no feelings towards me?

(I didnt dare to look at him. I was analyzing very hard on how to ans him as not to hurt his feelings)

Me: I suggest u discuss with J in private. Inquire more with her. If she really does like u, she will admit to it. I knw tat ladies tend to be kinda shy to admit but they will only if da guy they like hinted at them.

Me: If she really likes u den I recommend u to be with her instead. Try to start develop feelings for her, start to show ur care and concern for her, going out with her, knw more abt her.

B: y?
ME: Didnt u get it?

ME: Do u think da two of us can be happy if we r in a relationship? There are many consequences to ponder of.. U had told me b4; we r both working and studying at da same time so no time to date etcetra.. But did u think of one impt consequence?

B: Wat is tat?

Me: Wat race and religion r u and wat race and religion am I?

Me: Race and religion issues do not matter to us but it will to our family. There will be conflict. When there is conflict, can we be happy?

B: I dun knw

M: How cld u not knw? We have to think abt it coz it will soon going to affect us..And do u knw in order to be married to a malay/muslim community, da non-muslims have to be converted? U have to think of tat too..

B: ok so wat has tat got to do with J?

Me: I can sense tat J maybe interested in you. I made an observation on her every lunch time. She wasnt too pleased seeing u being so nice to me. I am a new colleague to u and u been so nice to me.. She has been ur colleague for a year and I guess u r not treating her da same way as u treat me? Am I rite? And whenever u cant lunch with us, I did show it to da rest how depressed I was when u werent ard for lunch. J noticed it and she was less friendly towards me tat time.

B: I treat her like a friend. I treat u more than tat.

Me: She knws u more than I do. U knw her longer than u knw me.. how cld u possibly have interest in me and not with any other gals who worked longer than me.. ?

Me: I dun think we r meant to be together. We cant be happy even if we r together. Go to sumone who really can make u and her happy.

(Finally, he understood)

B: So if we lunch and I always talk to J, u dun mind? U not sad or angry?

Me: Y shld I in da first plc?

B: Ok... I will do wat as wat u request.

And so, aft da above conversation.. B and J getting closer and closer. I felt happy for them. However B was kinda upset. I guess he really likes me but sumhow I cant accept him. So, I rather be friends with him.

Song playing at now is, "Baby, Dui Bu Qi" (Baby, I am Sorry - Coco Lee) I am listening and concentrating to da lyrics.. Quite meaningful.. It sumhow relates to 2day's entry.. *weak smilez*

And still I am going to continue with tis entry. Yup.. A piece of news.. And oh, I did mention abt it in da last paragraph of my entry dated Aug 22. So it shall be continued..

P/S: U knw, tis has happen 2me again for da 2nd time. Da 1st time, it was during my sec sch days.. during O levels.. a sec sch guy friend of mine - a malay - whom I am still kept in touch with him, kinda likes me and wants me to be his gf BUT I rejected him due to 3 reasons:

1) At tat time, he had juz broken up with his Chinese gf and if I were to accept him, most of da Jin Taians will think tat I am da cause of their break up. Pls spare me with da accusations.. I am not tat type of gal.. (I did not want to be labelled as, "third party")

2) During sec sch days, I was only concentrating on getting a guy's attention coz I like tat guy (if u cld remember, da entry way back last year in 2005? Abt I sumhow got to knw his dark disgusting secret? yes, I am referring to him >> H.B) Pls refer back to March 2005 entry dated 8 March to 22 March. Thx (I was so obsessed abt him those days!)

3) Last reason.. A best friend of mine (whom I shall not post her name here coz I have promised her NOT to tell anyone) really likes him alot. He doesnt even knw it. Other of my circle of friends and ex-gf didnt knw it. Only me and another best friend knw abt it and da 2of us had promised her to keep it a hush-hush. Tis secret shall be kept within us for LIFE . . . So tat was y I rejected him. I wanted my best friend to be with him. I knw my best friend can be happy being with him. (Whoever my best friend(S) like(s), I will give them my support and stay away frm da guy(s) they like.. )

However, da 2 of them didnt get to be together becoz she didnt express to him. I remembered she told me tat she will express her feelings to him aft da O levels - provided tat her results are very good. U have guessed it.. her results are not tat good and hence, she didnt get to express to him. Also, she feared of rejection. Watever it is, I had stick to my decision . . .

For da above entry, it has happen for da 2nd time.. It is sumhow or rather similar to my reason No. 3

Amyria pours her heart out @ 12:45 am   |