Monday, October 11, 2004
I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO WRITE MY PERSONAL FAMILY LIFE HERE! BECAUSE SOME IDIOTS WHO ARE STILL A KID DUN KNOW WAT IS GOING ON IN MY FAMILY.. For those of u who are first timers to my blog, welcome and i know this entry when u read will make u cry. But I am now in school, I cant cry.. I held back my tears.
I AM ALREADY STRESS BECOZ OF WORK, STUDIES AND FAMILY PROBLEMS AND TAT PERSON WHO TAG IS ADDING MORE STRESS TO MY LIFE.. U LIKE IT IZZIT AH?! Btw, tag board messages ARE NOT MEANT FOR COMMENTS! It is meant to say "hi" or wateva messages.
Anyway, lets continue 15 October is my last day of work. B4 tat, I have applied for other jobs. No reply since then. This worries my Family. Ya lah..How to pay my degree fees? Well, I dun wanna quit but my mum wants me to coz she said, my pay is not suitable for a Diploma holder like me( soon, I will be an Advanced Diploma holder, my Advanced Diploma cert is in process). I had told her tat my job is a part time position and I have no relevant working experience so tat was y my pay is less than 1k.
Anyway, I have promised them tat I will pay my degree fees with my own salary. And if after 15 Oct, I cant find a job, my savings can only pay for 2.5 months. Then No More Money left. STRESS! DOES THE PERSON(btw, the person used the name "amymimisux") KNOWS TAT? NOPE, I DUN THINK SO COZ TAT PERSON IS NOT IN MY POSITION!
Whenever I tok abt Studies, My grandma scolded me and said: (I translate to English) "U study-study, jobs which u applied havent even call u for an interview. And u not worry abt tat.. All u care is Study, study!" And she will go on and on.. She kept saying I am woman, no need to study so high. She even "sindir" me saying, I want to study degree so that I can find a husband who do not want to work, coz he has a wife who is earning more becoz his wife has a degree.. Sigh.. who wants to marry those kind of guys?
For my Diploma and Advanced Diploma, my Granddad gave me the money to pay. Last time, I stayed with my grandparents at Clementi Avenue 3. In 2001, my granddad sold his house to stay with my mum at Clementi West St 2 becoz my granddad was sick, agile and aging. He needs someone to take care of him. My grandma is also as old as him, how to take care of him? Me? I am still young..
The money he got when selling the house is 200K. Yah.. 200K. Now left 168K. For my Diploma and Advanced Diploma, the total fees is $8,888 after rebate. Nice number huh. Where do I get the money from? my Granddad. He gave me 12.5K. B4 he gave me the money, he gave me a "pesanan". The "pesanan" is, "Atuk hanya boleh beri kau 12.5 ribu saja. Tak boleh beri lebih dari itu dan kau mesti janji yg kau kena pass."
So, for my degree, although my Granddad's account left 168K, I do not want to ask from him to help me pay my degree fees of 20plusK. I understand tat he is getting older n older by the day and he needs the money for his own expenses, esp, his medical expenses. Tats y I want to find my own way of paying my fees.
This is wat I am having STRESS ABT! AND SOME PPLE DUN EVEN HAVE THE SENSE OF SYMPATHY ABT MY LIFE, JUST SAY WATEVA HIS HEART WISH TO SAY! HEY! Imagine if u r in my position, will u feel the same? Oops, I dun think he will feel the same way as me coz tat person has no interest to pursue for higher studies.
Tat is another of my Family life. It is too PERSONAL BUT DIRIKU DICABAR. I WANT TAT PERSON TO KNOW TIS SO TAT HE WILL STOP! OK! PLZ STOP! STOP HAVING THE STUPID PERCEPTION U HAVE ABT ME!! I AM ALREADY HAVING STRESS!! DUN ADD MORE STRESS TO MY PROBLEMS!
U know.. I am thinking of suicide. Let me just vanish from this world. So my family will not have to think abt how to pay for my degree fees until my mum had white hair and my grandma had become thinner and thinner coz of much thinking. YAH.. I think the best way is to suicide. But I am a Muslim. Muslims are not supposed to say suicide is the only way to solve a problem.
I think the only way is 1) Quit my studies (although I dun want to but I have to), 2) Stop studying for while and when I am financially stable in my job, I will continue. 3) FIND a JOB a.s.a.p!
To answer the tag board message, tat amymimisux fellow thought i am upset coz of his perceptions abt me? Hello!! I AM UPSET COZ OF MY FAMILY LIFE
And like I have previously said, NO ONE CAN INTERFERE MY FAMILY LIFE UNLESS u wanna help me to settle the above problem. Other that tat, IT IS NONE OF YA BUSINESS AND DO NOT INTERFERE! WHETHER OR NOT I DRESS MCM ORG NAK GI PASAR, IZZIT YA PROBLEM? U WAN ME TO REBEL AGAINST MY GRANDMA AND WEAR LIKE WAT my idol always wear? KENA MAKI, KENA SEPAK NANTI! I know, TAT IS WAT U WANT RITE? SORRY, I CANT FULFIL TAT. I AM A FILIAL GRANDDAUGHTER, I listened and obeyed my grandma.
Shit! I am already LATE FOR CLASS!!
